Holding on

Even though I didn't know him as well as I've known others who have died this past year, I'm still feeling low about the passing of Jonathan Brandis. To be honest, it has surprised me how much it has hit me. I mean, I've already grieved for those close to me. Why would I feel this same grief over an actor?

Any free time I had this past weekend, I scoured the internet for news about him, and this one girl's explanation of grief made me realize why I was feeling so bad: she said that he had a been a huge chunk of her childhood.

Jonathan Brandis was a humongous part of my youth. aqua_angel and I would write fan letters to him together during math class...I don't think we ever sent them. Every month I'd make 2 trips to the convenience store, once to pick up the latest Bop magazine, then another trip to pick up Big Bopper magazine. I'd carefully pluck the staples out of each one and separate the pinups from the written material then re-insert the staples back into the writing to keep the pages together. I'd separate all of the Jon Brandis posters and stick them up on my bedroom walls. (I'd also separate the Mike Vitar and Eddie Furlong posters...but those were relegated to my basement.) Then I'd read through the magazine, jotting down any new info they had on him which I would add to my J.B. profile in my scrapbook. This whole process took at least a good 2 hours each time, 2 hours per magazine. 4 hours each month.

And then there were his movies. I'd rent Ladybugs every once in a while, Neverending Story II as well. I was lucky to get a previously-viewed copy of Sidekicks at Blockbuster. (You see, I did all this as an allowance-less child.) I suffered through Stephen King's IT even though that freaky clown scared the crap out of me. I watched Stepfather 2 even though he was younger when he made the movie and hence not as hot. I taped the thanksgiving special of Saved By The Bell just so I could see his guest appearance. I even taped the episodes of Aladdin just to hear his voice.

Sundays were the best 'cuz I could watch him on SeaQuest DSV. And I'm not even a really big sci-fi fan. My dad couldn't understand why I taped each and every episode when I never missed catching them on TV anyway.

Even in high school, though my crush was not as life-engulfing as it used to be, I wrote a letter to him to see if I could meet him again. In eleventh grade, my choir was spending our spring vacation in Orlando and he was still filming SeaQuest back then at Universal Orlando. I shied out and rather than mail it to him in advance so that there would at least be that small chance of us meeting I mailed it instead on Main Street at Disneyworld's Magic Kingdom. I was already in Orlando and there'd be no way he would get that letter in time before I left. I decided instead to just say Hi and let him know I was in the area.

They say during his height of popularity he was getting 4000 letters a week. I've also read lots of people talk about the same childhood experiences as me. It's nice to know that there are a lot of us out there that will miss him. I hope he knows that his fans have not forgotten him.