I must...I must...I must decrease my bust

So my annual contemplation of a boob reduction is really early this year. We're not even 3 weeks into 2004 yet.

Sepi said not too long ago that she couldn't understand people who would go through boob jobs for the sake of vanity. I'm with her there 100 percent...sort of.

I guess I am considering the surgery for esthetic reasons. I mean, my back doesn't hurt much, my bra straps don't dig into my shoulders too too badly. It's not like my chest is affecting my health. Although I have this mentality that smaller breasts would mean a smaller risk of having a cancer met (metastasis?) occurring in that area. But that's just another way of putting my mind at ease.

Alright, so it's not affecting my health per se. It could, however, be hindering it. I think I would actually enjoy running if I had a smaller chest. This whole Baywatch thing is not fun. I have yet to come across a sports bra strong enough to keep these puppies in check. Perhaps mummifying my midsection in duct tape is a viable alternative?

And, this is the vanity thing coming into play hardcore, I'd be able to wear cuter bras and have a greater selection of tops to choose from. Plus, as Sunny has mentioned before, I'd look a bit slimmer (an observation she made from past acquaintances having undergone the procedure.) Not to mention it would be a pre-emptive strike against the double team of gravity and old age.

Maybe I could cite psychological health as my grounds for having the surgery? It's not like I'm a basketcase...but when you see a monster of a bra in the store and you're laughing 'cuz it just looks huuuuuuge you can't help but hurt a little when the joke's on you since the bra is actually smaller than your size.

I can't imagine how embarassing it would be to see my own bra on the floor or on someone's bed. I mean, they're called "dainties" for a reason. And that's not dainty, that's - to use a term Daisy used to describe the bras we're used to shopping for - industrial strength!

I know a few friends who love their big twins. All the power to them. One girl we used to know thought it was hilarious that another one of our friends could fit both of her boobs in an underwire of ONE of her bra cups. I'm glad she could laugh at herself like that at least, 'cuz I would personally be sickened by myself at that point. I guess I'm not as "strong" as I thought I was.

Myself, I find mine distasteful. They're the only part of my body I would consider changing. I know I'm a big girl and my legs are thicker than most, but they're firm and they're strong and I love them. Sure I used to say I wanted a more prominent butt but after seeing some "booty" girls of my stature I've completely turned myself off that idea.

So the only thing that could make me love my body more would be to have a chest possibly 2 cup sizes smaller. I'd be able to go braless! I could run! I could jump around! But I'd still have "magnetic cleavage!" (Another term amongst me and my friends.)

I don't mean this as a resolution for 2004 since really I've been thinking about this off and on for years. It's just that I think I'm finally hitting my breaking point with all this boobie hoopla. It's making me sadder than it used to, so really something's got to change. I just have to give myself the resolve to go through one more operation. It feels like I've had so many already in my short life. It'd be nice to start my 25th year (March 26, people!) with a brand new and improved me, but that may be rushing it. Perhaps I could do it soon afterwards, a birthday present to myself. *deep breath* I have to keep myself motivated to get this thing rolling. If Punky Brewster and Wednesday Addams can do it, then so can I!