It's true what they say...

Lots of observations and pondering these days with not much "hands on" experience. But given everything that's been going on around me I'd rather stay out of the game for now.

I know of two people who have dropped the bomb on me that they have ended their marriages. One ended it years ago, that's how out of touch her and I have been. It's a shame, really. We now live in the same city and yet we still cannot manage to get together on a regular basis.

With today's divorce rate being as high as it is it shouldn't be such a shocker that they have joined the ranks of the separated. What piqued my interest/what was common between both their experiences is the fact that they both described their last months/years of marriage as living with a roommate or a good friend.

One was married almost 20 years before this "roommate" phenomenon occurred. The other was married...I'm tempted to say 5 years though I can't be sure.

With the first couple it was my friend who stopped the status quo. It's not that she was looking for a new partner, but she knew that this was a situation she did not want to plod through for another 20 years.

The second couple made the decision together. Almost as if they somehow knew my other friend, they sat down together and asked themselves if they really wanted to continue on with the life they had together. End the scene now or end the scene years down the road when they were older.

The great thing is, they are still great friends just like they had always been. I hate to be pessimistic but I have a feeling that they are some of the rare few who can maintain such a great relationship after ending such a major connection with one another.

And wouldn't you know it? My friend from couple number 2 recently got married to someone new! Since I didn't keep in touch with her all that well I cannot really compare how happy she was with husband number one to how content she is with hubby numero dos. But despite our lack of get-togethers I can already tell this one is different as she lights up more as she was telling me more about him.

She mentioned that in her first marriage they had known each other so long that it almost felt like marriage was just the "next step" in the common plan of what is expected of couples. So a question: If she did not realize that her first marriage was just a really strong friendship is there something present in her new marriage that makes her realize this time it really is "it?"

She tells me there is no doubt. Further still, she knew she had something amazing this time around almost the moment she met him.

I know it sounds all cliche but this friend of mine could never be mistaken for a romantic sap. So when she says something like that I cannot help but take her word for it. I guess there truly is some validity to that vague saying that when the right one comes along "you just know."

Not that I ever felt all doom and gloom but her finding someone that makes her so happy has given me some more justification in keeping my standards high. With other couples falling apart all around me I was feeling concerned that I would be doomed to falling into the same snares as so many others: tying myself up with Mr Not-Quite-Right-But-He'll-Do. Truth be told if I were to explain to others what I am looking for in a guy some of it would ring shallow or superficial. But I know myself and if he did not possess A, B, and C there would always be that little part of me left unsatisfied with the status quo and fretting that there was someone better still out there for me. That would not be fair to him or to myself and I'm afraid it would eat at me till it created a significant division between the two of us...and then I'd be in a relationship with a friend just like so many others.

I truly appreciated the dinner I had with my friend. She found the right guy and so will I. If a non-romantic can "know" that a guy is the right one then such a strong instinct must surely exist and is not some sort of concept that Hollywood and Harlequin invented themselves. I just have to keep my resolve strong to avoid making a mistake the first time.