2011

Happy New Year, boys and girls!

So...another year. Some stuff new and more of the same. New job? Check. (Since my separation with my former employer I have heard through the grapevine of at least 4 more employees who are no longer with them...and they are not hiring any replacements! Someone was seriously looking out for me when they ousted me. Hidden blessings, I tell you all.) New path? Also check. Happier times? You betcha.

The creeper who comes and visits my blog still has not identified his or herself (FYI: Bellini is spelled with two Ls. I know you still get directed to my page, but get it right) and I do not want to be paranoid but it'd really ease my mind if you would just let me know who you are. Over the past little while I have met some characters who I would rather not be reading this page -- really, my life is none of your concern -- and I realize the internet is public and a privacy free-for-all but it would be so nice not to have to take my blog down to a private level. Much thanks.

Boys. I recently had a hot little dream about Berger...perhaps it was unfinished business resolving itself in my sleep, and I'm sure a recent chat with him after who knows how long didn't help suppress his memory, either. What I was not expecting, however, was to feel like such utter crap the next morning. And worse, in some convoluted way it felt like I had cheated on Aidan!

I adore Aidan and feeling like I had somehow hurt him really troubled me. I don't know if he would actually care that I had the Berger dream. Berger being a threat is virtually non-existent due to his living far, far away. (Well, not that far, but farther than I would care to drive for sure.) And that's the other thing: threat to what? Aidan and I aren't together -- I don't think -- but we also have not talked about it. Are we on the same page? I don't believe he is seeing anyone else but we don't spend much time together that he couldn't be seeing others. Does he assume I'm seeing others? Does he want us to be seeing others? Grrrr.

All this could be resolved with a straight-out conversation. I realize that. But I don't want to crumble the status quo, either. If we had a talk and he didn't want to be exclusive do you realize how weird that would be? Awwwwwkward. And if we were to be exclusive could we make enough time for one another to actually have something substantial? I don't know how he did things with his ex-girlfriend but I definitely need more together-time than what I've got now.

But if there isn't something there am I ruining my odds of meeting other guys? I'm not looking. You know me; I'm never looking. But if the right guy were to find me would I feel free to see him or have I convinced myself in some girlie-logic way that I'm already with Aidan? (Hold up, is Aidan actually the right guy?) Girlie-logic does not always reconcile with what is actually going on. We know that. So then is Aidan like some kind of relationship placebo? Blah