The Biggest Loser

So...it's happening. After all these years contemplating having a breast reduction I never thought it would actually happen. And you know what? I got a call to set up a surgery date. Oh. My. God. So May 3rd I will become a little less stacked. I would say de-stacked or un-stacked, but let's not get drastic here. Uber scared! I have been thinking about it non-stop. Is this surgery really necessary? Everyone I have talked to who has had the procedure done say they wish they had it done earlier, that I will be so happy I got it done, blah blah blah. I hear that. I understand it. Guess I'm just a big pansy when it comes to surgeries, pain, and the like. My past surgeries have not been that painful, though they were more crucial operations. In this case I'm lying on the operating table for something that isn't really crucial to my health (unless you want to talk about sore backs, emotional happiness, etc.) but all the information I have read make it sound horrible. Let's face it, they're going to carve out a fairly substantial bit of flesh out of me -- like a butcher shop! -- and then stitch up what's left so it closes?! The stretching and the tightness as it heals....eeek! My friend has said I probably won't be driving for a month. She didn't work for a whole month! Since I've got a desk job I hope to be back in 2 weeks max, but how am I supposed to know until I actually experience it? There isn't going to be any reaching over and grabbing things from the corners of my desk, from off of the shelves. The driving thing - I think - won't be so bad. Yeah, I won't have as much freedom to go wherever I want, but it won't be forever. And with the gas prices climbing, I'll save a bit of money! Hehe.

Because of the upcoming date, though, I'm hesitant to sign up for a couple more courses at school. It would be best if I took them online, but I don't know what mindset I'll be in at that time. I was hoping to knock down two classes, but maybe if I just take one? One class would be more affordable considering I will probably be missing out on a paycheque while I recuperate.

As you may probably guess, I am constantly looking for "cons" that make this procedure not worth the hassle (horrible sentence!) But it's just nerves and fear. Once I'm at the hospital and they knock me out there will be no backing out...and then I'm positive I will be happy in the end.

Just because I keep looking for negatives to justify backing out does not mean that reminders to the positive are not present. For instance, mom's friend found a great coat on sale and she gave me the opportunity to buy it off of her. It all fits great EXCEPT across the chest. Big surprise, right?! However, once I get these girls proportioned to the rest of my body that coat is going to be fabulous. And another time I was putzing around online when a random guy (not totally random, he remembered me from somewhere but I don't know who he is) IM'd me out of the blue and asked me who I was. Before I could even answer it dawned on him. Something like this:
"Leah, right? Gorgeous. Big boobs."

Yeah guys, keep talking like that. It makes me want you soooooo much. Just feed the fire. I hate to say it because I know it looks like I am taking outside comments too personally but I am REALLY tired of people commenting on my chest. Really. Tired. Heaven forbid that I am going through this surgery because of people like you, but I would be lying if I said you were not a factor in this decision.

That being said I'm sad to think Aidan may be gone again. We just don't talk much at the moment and I haven't seen him in over a month. It feels like 5 years ago all over again. I'm just waiting for that message saying he's dating someone. Maybe it's for the best. Even if he were around my best guess is we wouldn't see much of each other while I recover anyway. And who knows how long that will be. I hate losing again but if he's not interested nothing will keep him around. Maybe I should just undergo an Aidan-reduction along with my surgery. Get all the pain over with.