Catch My Disease

Just a quick post because I didn't quite say everything that was going on in my mind this weekend. Ha, if Daisy could read my post-title she'd probably be through the moon. But it was the only song lyric I could think of on the spot that talks about diseases.

Aidan let me know that he went and got tested over the weekend. Anytime I've had a moment to myself my brain has gone into warp freak-out mode over how stupid I have been. He came out clean, so...you know...goody for him and all, but that doesn't make me look any less stupid. SO many scenarios. So so many.

All the other girls value their health enough that they insist that he be safe all the time. I don't speak up so he gets a "gimme."

Since it would appear that I don't value my own health why should he value my health as well, right?

It had been 8 months or so between the times I was with him. I got my annual checkup shortly after the time before our most recent get-together and I was fine then. But he could have had a lot of partners in those 8 months. Did he have a scare that caused him to get tested? So then I should get tested again too, right? (augh)

Or what if he thinks I'm the diseased one?! Grrr.

Soon after he got his results he came for a surprise visit, but I was too busy to talk, nor did I really want to bring it up at that time and place.

I'm just as full of drama as Latina, I suppose. Except she has the gumption to express what she wants and needs from guys. Where she falls short is she does not listen to their reply or take their actions into consideration. (Hello, cliche "actions speak louder than words") So her communication skills are only one way. Me? What communication skills? I have plenty of imagined conversations in my mind but I never utter them out loud -- to the people I should be talking to.

Blah. I still really adore Aidan but I should take care of myself better too; health-wise and emotionally.