So Let Go

I'll catch up on posting my paper cranes some other time. There have been so many occasions when I wanted to write something down and I held back because I had not made a paper crane to go with the post. And then I realized how dumb that was...

(So let go) So let go
Jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown ~Frou Frou

Two years ago I jumped back into whatever this is that I have with Aidan. Two. Years. I thought it was my turn to be with him. But if anyone else was going through whatever this is I would have told them to just get over it and walk away.

Two years. And that's not even counting the time before that (thought short-lived) and then the time I waited on the sidelines while he had a girlfriend. He's obviously looking for a new girlfriend now. And somehow it's obviously not me.

I signed into one of those multi-chat-program apps on my ipod tonight and I saw so many instances of him. Do you realize how many different ways I would have to cut him out of my life? How have I become so entangled in my internal drama?! Just looking at his name and him not saying anything tweaks something inside me now. It's the craziest thing. And even if I somehow grew the cojones to delete him from my phone (the big one) it's not going to change anything, will it? It's all there in my head. I could still text him in a moment of weakness (of which there are many) 'cuz I have his number memorized. I even Google his profiles just to see if anything has changed...because I have his monikers memorized! How am I supposed to fix that? Someone needs to flashy-thing me, get me a neuralyzer.

One of us just has to find someone new, that should fix things, right? 'cuz so long as he's still "single" I keep convincing myself I'm somehow still in the game. And noone has really stepped up to the plate to take my mind off of him.

Grrr.