"All this aggravation and satisfaction in me..."

He told me he loved me!

And all week long I thought whenever he got around to saying it, if he ever got around to saying it, I'd be a blubbering mess. But maybe the overwhelming feeling was just me. 'cuz when he said it I thought I kept it pretty cool. I felt like grinning like a moron while we were kissing but my eyes weren't leaking (as baby sis likes to put it). Maybe I had rehashed it in my head so much over the week that I had already reconciled whatever happens and squared it away in my little head. Que sera sera.

Though I'm pretty sure that's not it. You would think I would be happy, and was. I was thrilled to hear him say it. But at the same time I went back into Leah-mode. I couldn't just enjoy hearing the words. I worried that maybe he was just saying it to make me happy. That my little waterworks from a few days back made him feel pressured to keep me content. Argh. Even when I headed home I said "I love you" before I got into my car...but now I'm too scared to say it often, fearing that it'll just make it mean even less and less. When just a few days ago I wanted to say it over and over!

What IS this? And why am I feeling like such a rookie about it all. Oh, that's right. I've never actually done this before. *sigh*