"Just one look at you, and I know it's gonna be..."

The Christmas holidays were fantastic! At least I thought they were. He invited me to his family stuff, I invited him to my family stuff. Family stuff abounded. We got to enjoy the New Year together. I was blissfully happy. I am blissfully happy. And today marks 5 months! It's not an epic milestone, to be sure, but I like it because it's my milestone.

New Year's Day was a huge heavy day for me, too. I told him I loved him. It felt right...so I said it...but he can't say it back and embarrassingly enough I got kind of teary. I excused it away as happiness -- and you know what? It's possibly true. Though he made me rethink why I said it and I felt a little gun-shy right afterwards there was still this amaaaazing and overwhelming feeling once it was out there. It felt wonderful to say it, he may not be able to say it back, but I have never told any guy that I've loved them and with him it just feels like it's about right. Re-hashing it in my mind just reconfirms to me that I want to tell him over and over again because it makes me happy to say it -- except the whole looking-like-a-fool bit gives me pause.

If anything I can cross a big first off my list to start the year. I can't promise I'll be so ballsy more often...but I took a chance and put myself out there for once. I felt very vulnerable when the words came out; no lie it was terrifying. But I did it, it's done, it's out there. Whatever happens from here who knows? Hopefully I didn't creep him out.