Bazooms

I think, that if there were one thing that I could change about my body instantaneously, painlessly, it would have to be my chest. Not to make it larger, as most women would, but rather to make it smaller. Men may think I'm crazy, sunflower may deem me undeserving of being a woman, Lethal may even have me institutionalized...but if I were ever to alter my body to make myself that tiny bit happier, I would get smaller boobies.

I'm not talking reducing myself to flat-chested status, just maybe tone it down a cup size.

For one, it would make me look THAT much more slimmer. Ask Sunny, she'll testify. Aqua Boy has had several female acquaintances who've had the reduction process done, and they look all the svelter as a result.

Also, it would make it easier to achieve a perfect dress size.proportionally. Ever since I was a young girl, I didn't care what size I was, so long as the measurement ratios were exact for any particular size. Having a bigger chest makes it near impossible...even worse if I should achieve a smaller waistline. And I'm sorry but I don't want to go the other route: gaining more weight to make this chest look more proportional.

But I digress, the point of this entry is to point out how inconsiderate some people are with regards to acknowledging my chest size. I've got a bazillion stories to tell on this matter, I'll try to keep it down to a choice handful.

No. 1: In a stoned stupor, a jr. high classmate snapped at me due to my obsession with a teenage heartthrob. The insult "big-breasted bitch" was uttered. He apologized later, though, so all was good.

No. 2: While shopping in a Toronto boutique a sales associate asks how the clothes were after I emerged from the fitting room. When I mentioned that their fit was not what I had pictured in my head she acted all sympathetic to my plight and pointed out the very obvious fact that the fit would be different "here" *grandiose hand gestures simulating a large (and apparently, overwhelming) chest*

No. 3: While waiting to be served at a local Subway two teenage boys were asking for a cup so they could get some water from the fountain. The clerk was going to charge them the full price of a drink. His argument was he couldn't be so sure they would not fill the cup with soda from the fountain. Why are so many Subways so stingy? Noticing my apparent disgust with the penny-pinching act the clerk called the boys back and gave them the cups. I felt like I had helped those boys out until I overheard them say "He only listened to her and not to us 'cuz she's got big tits." Ungrateful lil bastards.

No. 4: During my stint as "beanie girl," I was leaning over the till reaching for some tag protectors for a customer. My boobs brushed against the cash register buttons resulting in a loud "beeeeeeeeeep." The lady had to stifle a snicker. In retrospect I guess I should have produced more awkward moments such as those, it was the only time a Beanie customer ever tipped me. 2 dollars. She probably felt bad for being amused.

No. 5: Just recently, during a trip to the local Taco Bell, the nice old lady (she really IS super nice, so I know she wasn't being malicious) was inquiring about my new DKNY shirt. "What's that mean? New *pokes at my boob at the N* York *pokes at my boob at the Y*" "That's Donna Karan *gesturing towards my own boobs at the D and K*" "Oh, oh, I see I see."

Most of these people are harmless, of course, but it'd still be nice to not have the obvious pointed out. It'd also be nice to be able to buy button down shirts that don't drape past my boobs thus negating the fact that my belly does not stick out so much. Friends are welcome to tease, it doesn't really faze me. When I told Mijo about my (then) upcoming radiation therapy he kidded about how the radiation would make me a mutant, causing me to grow a third boob and I would be so off-balance that I'd fall (and yet, still somehow remain propped up. *his words, not mine*) When I asked him his opinion of what I should be for Halloween, such and such or Lara Croft. He voted for Lara to "make use of what God gave (me)." Friends are always asking me to spare some of my "talent" and pass it on to them. (If only it were so simple, I'd gladly help them out!) Usually, I hardly remember that I've got bazooms 'cuz the majority of my friends are chesty. I'd just like to fit into normal tops for once (and not in a porn star/trashy/Christina Aguilera sort of way.)