Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Augh, I can't do it anymore. Date #2 was exasperating. It's bad enough that I have had to make the decisions for both dates (If I want to always be the one planning the dates then I may as well stick around with Aidan.) but the guy -- I can't even think of a moniker for him -- and I have nothing in common except for the Calgary Flames...so that's stretching things preeeeetty thin. Our points of view on the economy and business (can you even believe these words are coming out of my mouth?!) clash too much. It's a shame, really, 'cuz he's a very nice guy but the more he tried to make conversation or entertain me the more I felt frustrated and irritable. I really hope I did not let it show; that would have been beyond rude. However, other than playing mini-golf with me (which already made him feel uncomfortable, he said) his idea of a date was feeding the arcade games coin and watching me play...not even playing along with me! *sigh* I couldn't even bring up not wanting to see him anymore at the end of the night 'cuz it was all sorts of awkward. But I promise I won't ghost out! I'll try to give him a call next time he brings up the coming weekend but it's hard because he works the late shift and does not usually get up until I am home from work. Even if it's tacky and I have to have the convo via text messages it'll get done. Especially before next weekend.

But this whole weekend was not in vain! Saturday morning I steeled myself to go do laps at the pool at the ridiculous hour of 7:30 -- open lane swim is from 7:30 to 8:30 -- and by golly I did it! And I wasn't even sleepy or tired after. I did 24 laps; 600 metres. For an hour that's not very speedy, and truthfully I had quite a few long breathers in between laps...and a couple nasty calf cramps...but if I can improve on that by at least 2 laps/50 metres each time I go I think it'll be a fun and motivational way to keep up my activity.

A crazy aside: Aidan invited me to this social fitness site where I earn points for the exercises I do. They don't have a category for the aquafit classes I take so I just put swimming for 55 minutes (60 if I get to warm up with a couple of laps before the class) and using that generic category it gives me something like 460 points. When I plugged in the distance I actually swam on Saturday it only gave me 159 points or something crazy like that. Ah well, I realize the site is far from perfect but that was kind of a downer to see. Aidan, on the other hand, is doing ridiculously fabulous. I think he's at least 5 "levels" ahead of my profile by now.

Augh, I have to stop thinking of, and relating everything, to Aidan. It just makes me sad. :(

So after swimming I had a wonderful breakfast and got to do some grocery errands. Look at me being all productive on a Saturday, hehe. Baby sis and I even got to join up with Daisy and T-Girl for some ceramics painting. It was my first time doing so and Weird Kid's girlfriend gave us gift cards. It was pretty enjoyable. Maybe I'll post a photo of my turtle after it has been fired. Perhaps with paper crane #6?

Push It

Blah, my cranes are getting sloppier and sloppier rather than better. At least with this one I was able to complete the whole bird from memory. I have to get some bigger origami paper to make tidier, crisper cranes. These square little notepapers are so not doing the trick.

So, yes, I ended up going on the date this past Tuesday. He's a nice guy. If you know me well enough that should really be all I have to say.

He's very sweet and I'm sure he'd treat me, or any girl, well. He's a little cuddly-shaped, and I would be a hypocrite if I told anyone that that is an issue with me. But my manager hit it on the head when I was discussing the date amongst my office-mates. There is no ambition in the guy whatsoever.

He admires my efforts in dieting, or so he says. But in the same breath he mentions that he could never do it himself because he enjoys food too much. Followed with a vague comment that he wants to get a gym membership "someday." This is coming from a poor chap who lost his father when he was a kid due to a heart attack. A heart attack, that if history completely repeated itself, could claim this guy in 3 years' time! I may not be the angelic vision of perfect health, but I don't think I would be helping my mission very much if he were an influence on my life.

Pair that with his educational inertness. He knows of my plans to work on more training to get back on track with my original career choice. As far as he has told me he never wants to go back to school and could never stand it. That would be fine if he had lucked into a great career (I guess?), but he himself admits to being in a flat job. Again, another poor influence if he were by my side...or perhaps I shouldn't so much say "poor influence" as complete lack of support and encouragement. It's as if he has no interest in bettering himself on any level.

And as a girl thinking way down the road; how would I even have kids with a guy like that? Someone who wouldn't really care how they eat or if they are active? Worse, someone who doesn't care if he lives to see them grow older. And someone who would be horrible at convincing the children that an education is worthwhile? Ay caramba.

He would like to see me again this weekend. So I've agreed and made plans. But part of the Leah revamp is I'm going to change my "duck and cover" maneuvers for deterring dates. He's a great guy -- for someone else -- so he deserves a grown-up-Leah turn down...as in face-to-face. Gah, wish me luck.

As a twist of the knife into my dating life Aidan sent me a photo of his latest progress. God, he looks fantastic! I'd say I'm so proud of him but I have nothing to do with his success so *shrugs.* And I believe he's also completing his undergraduate degree this year, too. Why oh why can't I have him?! :(

I'd Still Say 'Yes'

I have a date lined up to meet someone new. So why do I feel sad somewhat? So things don't go as I have envisioned or wanted; this isn't something new. I don't know why I'm being so difficult when it comes to accepting that Aidan isn't looking for anything more.

SANDy is already back at 'em in the dating scene. She told me that other loved ones have suggested she sit back for a while to "find herself" and yadda yadda. I think if she's ready -- and it sounds like she is 'cuz she's got a great outlook on things -- then good for her. Personally, based on other observations I feel if she waits too long she'll just get jaded. She's found a young guy that she truly digs and by all accounts it sounds like he's keen on her, too. How did she do it so quickly? Some girls are just that lucky.

It was the strangest thing. I was watching an episode of Big Bang Theory and seeing Penny and Leonard interact made my hands all electrified. I haven't had that feeling in ages (I used to get it lots when I would read the sappy, "romantic" V.C. Andrews novels as a young'un.) In a nostalgic sort of way it felt nice; like reassurance I could still feel all romantic-ish. Unfortch, no guys I've ever gone out with have ever said or done anything to make my hands feel all buzzy like that. T'is tragic.

Anyway, the date was supposed to be this morning but he'd rather meet later and I can't (or is it "won't?" If I were feeling more excited about dating would I have made more of an effort to rearrange my schedule?) so we've postponed it until Tuesday. He seems like a really great guy so I feel uber bad about not being able to share in his enthusiasm. Hopefully I won't be a downer on the date!

Let's Get It Started

What a wonderful weekend! Such a great beginning to the new year. On Friday I got to enjoy calamari and pizza at Manie's. Anyone who knows me has to know that I absolutely love the pizza (and really, all the food) at Manie's so it was a great way to "binge" before I started my diet back up in earnest. And to make the meal even more enjoyable I got to dine with Civic and Daisy. The original 3 out on 17th again! Complete with my big bowl of Vietnamese coffee at Caffe Beano and it was fabulous beginning to the weekend.

Even though I had to work on Saturday (and really I don't have much to complain about since we only work one Saturday a month now between all of us!) the day was not for naught. Weird Kid treated me to my first ever lower bowl experience for a Flames game! We were in row 12 -- a fortunate number, of course -- and I was able to celebrate in-house when my beloved Iggy scored his 500th career goal with the Flames! An amazing night, to be sure. Have you seen how the domers are filled from the bottom up, now? I had seen a video on YouTube showing the same kind of concept at another arena and had heard they now do the same at the Saddledome. It seemed magical! But after I had my domer the mystery and novelty were long gone. I kept inadvertently poking my finger through the pour hole and wasting precious brew. Oh, and just an FYI in case you didn't know. Domers are no longer Molson Canadians...they are now Budweisers! Talk about lack of national pride. And in case you have no idea what I'm talking about with regards to the magical beer process here you go. And to end the Flames game on an uber high fan-note I got an Iggy stuffed doll (called a "Bleacher Creature!") and a 500th goal hockey puck. I am, if nothing, full of little fan-girl glee!

Fast forward to this morning and I completely slept in. I woke up 5 minutes AFTER I was supposed to meet SANDy (I think she's new to my blog, as in, I've never mentioned her before. Hence I am giving her a Tokidoki moniker) at the Health and Fitness show at the convention centre. I felt so bad; I had enlisted her to come weigh-in with me and hopefully we would motivate one another to work hard and possibly win the trip -- this year to Jamaica. But she was a doll and waited for me, I got there "only" a half hour late...and for the record I called her to let her know I was uber late. I suppose posting my weight and body fat percentage on here would increase my accountability but I cannot bring myself to doing that. Let's just say I have a lot of work to do again. No surprise there.

With my time at the show cut short I had to continue on (without breakfast and lunch thanks to my poor timing) to the mall to watch Happy Feet 2 with the familia. I walked in just as the theatre lights started to dim; and I think we were the only adult family there to see the movie hehe. The original Happy Feet has some sentimentality to all of us so we would have been remiss not to see the 2nd one. At the risk of embarrassing myself and sounding like a total kid I loved this one even more, I think.

And with that I being my new revamp. Tomorrow I start up on my South Beach Diet once again. I also have the most recent South Beach Diet Recharged book for motivation and reference. Wish me luck!

Who's Gonna Drive You Home?

My first origami crane in a long while; a bit sloppy but like I said I'm keen on actually completing 1000 paper cranes for once. Let's see if I finish this project.

My legs are sore from working out, it's definitely a satisfying soreness and I was expecting this but I hope I recoup faster and faster so I can keep up the momentum.

So I read the paper this morning and they talked about a man being charged with sexual assault. He offered a young woman a ride home from a downtown nightclub but instead of taking her home he drove her elsewhere, assaulted her, and then kicked her out of the car. They had just met that night. While I don't have all the details, obviously, there are just so many things I find wrong with this story.

Numero uno: where were her friends? I mean, who goes to the clubs alone? My friends and I always went together and (apparently a key detail that everyone ought to heed) we LEFT together. Are people really that slack with loved ones' safety nowadays?

Numero dos: so her friends ditched her or she decided to ditch her friends...who takes a ride from someone they just met?! Especially after meeting in the environs of a nightclub? I don't care if I just met a darling guy, and while it's true that I enjoy dancing the night away and there's a (slight) possibility that guys enjoy being there for the same reasons I would never leave with them. If they're such great guys why not try and meet each other another day? Day being key. For the record I've never met up with anyone from the clubs; what went on in the clubs stayed there. Even when I wasn't driving yet and I'd meet up with new guys I always texted friends with their license plates "just-in-case" (ie. U*V 49*) And I was always hesitant to let them drive me all the way home because I didn't want them knowing where I live. Why didn't she grab a taxi if she was alone? Why didn't she call a friend to come and get her?

By no means am I saying that this young lady was asking for trouble, but this could have been so easily avoided it truly upsets me. At least they caught him. And who takes advantage of situations like that? Was it premeditated? He must have thought he hit the jackpot when he found someone so trusting. If he were truly psycho I think he would have killed her to prevent her from telling anyone. Now that is uber scary.

What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

Ha, that song title is a couple of nights too late. But I just saw an adorable video starring Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Leavitt so I'm loving the song at the mo.

Hello 2012! Although I don't like the concept of New Year's resolutions I must admit I have a lot of work to do with you: lose weight, gain money, attain love (non-family), organize, organize, organize. Where to start?

Ideas:

For losing weight: keep up the Aqua Fit and incorporate laps (start with once a week), get back on the South Beach Diet train, get back to my weight training at the gym (start with 1x a week), on off days -- when my muscles can take it -- pop in a Jillian Michaels workout or do my Your Shape workout on the Kinect. (Just got it for Christmas thanks to my fabulous bro, the fitness quiz alone practically knocked me out. LOTS to do!)

For gaining money: I think a second job is becoming more and more imperative at present. I don't really want to go back to retail but their hours work best with my job. Perhaps Starbucks? Talk about the mothership calling me home. A friend from accounting referred me to a placement agency for temporary employment at the accounting firms, but I have been hesitant to even approach them until I get more refreshers and courses under my belt. She tells me they still provide self-motivated training online while I wait for placements so maybe I should just put on a brave face and give it a go. Also, I definitely have to curb my spending; methinks a trip regardless of size is completely out of the question this year if I am to behave. I can see a few things in my finances that bleed money; I can put a stop to those.

For attaining love: I am having a really hard time letting go of Aidan but if I'm truly honest with myself it has been over a year and a half now and the arrangement has not changed. Will things ever evolve? I should be smart and put my chips on "No." I need to open my mind up to meeting new guys and not compare them to what makes Aidan the better candidate. 'cuz obviously a guy cannot or should not be a candidate if they do not want to put themselves up for consideration.

For organizing: There are a LOT of shoes and clothes that I no longer wear. I need to return to my ambition of ridding my room of one bag of "stuff" each week. I should also close off all those online accounts I have created over the years.

Let's begin now.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

TLC has been making a lot of garbage tv these days (Virgin Diaries, hello? I admit I laughed awkwardly when I saw the virgin wedding kiss in the trailer.) but I found the two-part Geek Love to be really endearing. It also made me feel kind of sorry for myself, egads. I mean, look at all those adorable, endearing, little "geeks" finding love, and yet I do not fit in with them. Although I am a huge fan of certain aspects of those Comic Cons (Simone Legno seems to always be at the San Diego Comic Con, Big Bang Theory and Twilight have held panels at Comic Cons) if I had to talk myself up for 6 minutes or so to one of the serious geeks he would lose interest pretty fast. I don't know much about Star Trek, have not seen the most recent 3 Star Wars -- or even remember much about the older three except for those adorable Ewoks -- I don't care for Spiderman and the only reason why I care for Batman and Iron Man is because Christian Bale and Robert Downey Jr. are both hot and potential d-bags (there's always something about those bad boys, huh?)

So yes, those stereotypical brainy geeks are adorable and I find it sad that they will never find me interesting. But they will call me for some fun when the opportunity arises. Some aspects about guys are just universal, I guess.

Who finds me interesting? Men who are almost twice my age. I thought I had outgrown that "situation" but apparently not. Do they figure that at my age I cannot afford to be picky anymore? Some days it feels like that's what they must think. In their defense, they deserve to find love too but I feel that there is no way it would work out between me and a guy over a quarter-century older than me. I could still potentially have my babies at some point, but those same babies could easily pass off as his grandchildren.

It would just be nice to have some opportunities with the guys I like. I'm finally tired of waiting around. But it's the same old story, girl likes guy, guy's not interested. Other guys like girl, girl's not digging it.

Someday, it'll be great to snuggle up with someone and listen to Ingrid Michaelson's "The Way I Am." *swoon*