Bellini-induced Brain Freeze

This past weekend was baby sis' birthday weekend and as luck would have it there were quite a few shows to treat her to. Her best friend took her to Cirque de Soleil's Kooza - which worked out well since I am not a fan. Then on Friday us siblings went out to the Calgary Philharmonic's tribute to Michael Jackson: Thriller. On Saturday, baby sis and I joined up with some friends and took in Mamma Mia at the Jubilee. A music-filled weekend! Not only did it involve songs that I adore but it lit a fire under one of my true loves: music. Listening to the orchestra and watching them perform under their conductor brought out the eternal band geek in me. As much as I griped about the practices back in high school I would love to relive those times now. I haven't touched my saxophone in a loooooong time. The same goes for my piano, I rarely play the keys anymore. Now that my life is back to happiness and sunshine I can only imagine how much more joyful it would be if I b

I have found myself in a deep and sad little funk as of late...and who knew it would be weight-related?! At my heaviest I didn't care about my size. I was happy, I loved clothes, I had fun and really did not see anything wrong with me. But since I "crossed over" I realized the thinner world was such a delicate place to be; I would almost say it lowered my self-esteem. The old Leah went on dates and enjoyed herself. Now she goes on fewer dates and worries that she looks awfully big compared to other girls these guys must have dated. And then she starts to wonder why they are even willing to go out with her. Was I a freak? Achieving a better body is supposed to build confidence, not shatter it. I thought I was awesome back in the day so what happened?! So then I figured there must be a happy medium. I all but gave up following my diet. It brought a little bit of joy back but not the right kind. As you will recall I was in a very toxic work situation so I tried to

"Are you dating?" she asked. I replied "no" because that's the truth. Or at least I'm pretty sure it is. If we were dating I'd probably/hopefully see him more often and we would most likely have longer conversations...you know, that sort of thing. But what is scary is that I think nothing has changed in all these years. I'm still looking for more. Chances are I'm going to get hurt again. Need to nip this in the bud. I have been trying to meet up with other guys, and what is strange is that they are more my "type" but yet I still cannot seem to get very excited about it at all. Maybe I have been wrong about my type all along. Deep down I realize that doesn't make sense; I have more to talk about with these guys. I suppose until one of them asks me that one specific question I am pretty much fair game for anyone. But what then? Would I get excited about it then? So much for rainbows and unicorns. But if any of them say t