Chew on this

To the jerk who was so inconsiderate as to spit out and leave their used gum lying in the middle of the C-Train aisle the other day; I despise you.

Because of you, your nasty gum was all over the heel of my Kenneth Cole penny loafer. What kind of a moron has so little self-control that they just have to spit out their gum mid-commute?

You are utterly disrespectful. I bet you would receive a caning for your piggish ways if we were in Singapore. You're so lucky that isn't the case.

If I knew who you were, I would've made you scrape your crud off my heel with your teeth. I would've made you keep it in your mouth like YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO until you got off the train and had an opportunity to dispose of your gum properly.

Better yet, I would've made you swallow your trampled-up gum, so that it could fester in your stomach for 7 years as it attempts to break down during digestion. 7 years should be plenty of time for you to think of how you can help keep this beautiful city clean.

Step 1: Dispose of your chewed gum properly, and not in, on, or around public areas. Failure to do so ought to warrant granting the entire city's population permission to spit out their gum on your bedroom floor.