"Go on and get the lighter, we're gonna need some fire. Let's get a little higher, the battlefield is tired."

Alright so dinner came to an end, hugs all around.

Next stop: Coyote's.

You know? Birthday clubbing plans never work out precisely, and yet I keep on pluggin on. I figured this year's snafu was the lack of "no line, no cover" status for me and my buds. Incompetent-group-bookings-guy, you're on my list!

Little did I know...incompetent-group-bookings-guy had a friend, incompetent-DJ-boy. I really did not like incompetent-DJ-boy. Incompetent-DJ-boy, you're on my list, too!

You want to know what made DJ boy incompetent? He killed the flow...massacred it. He'd stop all movement on the dancefloor and instructed everyone to look up at the big screen to see the latest stupid videoclip he had just found on the internet. Oh no, don't just let the videoclips run while the music is flowing! Good god that would make too much sense! Let's stop everybody's rhythm and flow completely and make them stand like idiots on the dancefloor watching web crap.

And you know what he did to me? He isolated me out on the dancefloor exclaiming into his mic "Damn, look at that rack." I thought he was talking about Sunflower since her boobs were all boom-in-your-face Saturday night. I turned around to look for her and remembered she had gone to get a drink/find her friends. I looked all around me for who the guy was talking about, hoping against all hopes that it wasn't me. In the end I looked up to the DJ who gave me an upward nod as if to say "Yeah, you!" Fucker. Who did he think he was? I was all covered up that nite!

Other than that *regains her classy composure* I thoroughly enjoyed the night with my friends. Most of the time we sat in the booth, which is really unnatural for me since I'm a dancing fiend. However, that night...there was an unspoken vibing thing going on between me and my friends. It felt like the Purple Turtle all over again. Just me and my friends getting our drink on, people-watching, and stepping out onto the floor when the music was prime. Thanks to incompetent-DJ-boy, the music was NOT prime nearly enough.

And we bonded together on a whole other level. I'm worried about all my family and loved ones reading about this and being disappointed in me, but yes, I smoked some weed. It was one of those impulse things where I was all "You know? I'm going to be 24 soon (There, now all you readers know how oooold I am) If I wait even longer to try this I'm going to seriously look like a dumb loser." So my impulsive ass smoked it out with the girls. Like I said, it upsets me that people I cherish will be disappointed in me for all of this. They'll also be even more disappointed in me to know that the curiosity has not been sated. Despite smoking out, I felt nothing (perhaps too tipsy to notice any "changes?"). The smoke-out veterans tell me it sometimes takes 2 or 3 sessions before you really notice anything. So guess what? Chances are I'll probably take up the next 1 or 2 opportunities that come my way. I want to reassure them all that this is just a short short phase...anyone who knows me knows this isn't my style at all. I just need to know what the hype is all about. Be better informed for my future munchkins.

Hmmm, que mas...ah yes, alcohol tally: Malibu Sling, Cowboy Cocksucker shooter, Vodka Paralyzer, shot of Tequila, Fuzzy Navel, another Cowboy Cocksucker, and a Malibu and Coke. Not a whole lot, but definitely more than I indulge in these days. (And may I add, no hangover! I've still got game.)

Oh wait, there were more dipstick boys at the club. Want to hear about them?

First one was actually quite harmless. Preppy-sweater-dood saw me and my UCLA top and exclaimed "UCLA!!! I'm visiting from California." all hugging and tipsy. I've never seen someone so happy to see a "fellow Californian" in a foreign city in all my life. Yeah, I held on to him longer than necessary...but he smelled so damn good! I tried to ingrain it into his head that I'm not from Cali but I don't think he heard any of it he was so excited. He also found me near the end of the night all excited that there was another Californian (me, yet again) in his midst. Yes, a dipstick, but an adorable and yummy-smelling dipstick.

Then there was the non-dipstick (honestly, some guys just don't listen) who offered to get me, Bizkette, and aqua_baby into the bar with no cover 'cuz "(he) works at Cowboys and they owe (him)" How nice of him! Too bad we had already been in there and were just outside taking a "breather" *giggles* But he wouldn't hear it. There he was schmoozing it up with the bouncers and us girls just waltzed in past him. He waved to aqua_baby and I as he walked past us on the dance floor...apparently he figured he had done his chivalrous good deed of the night.

The ones who took the cake, however, were the double dipstick twins. Well, I don't know if they were actually twins 'cuz I never bothered looking at them. I can't even tell you if they were hot. *high school mentality* I doubt they were twins, but they sure acted identically.

Ever seen the "classic" movie Night at the Roxbury? Yeah, these two guys "Night at the Roxbury"-ed me. What was really dumb about them was, I had no inkling I was being Roxbury-ed. The one guy was right up behind me sans coordination whatsoever. Hello, if that was his idea of grinding then he must be horrible horrible horrible in *ahem* other departments. And besides that, from what I could manage to feel there was "nothing" there anyways.

In all honesty I figured the guy just didn't understand the concept of "personal space" The thought that this could be his pseudo-attempt at grinding with me had crossed my mind but his actions seemed to tell me otherwise. When you grind you're supposed to be all. up. in. it. This dood just kept pushing up behind me and it irritated me to no end. Hardly a quality grind...not worth any of my time, and hence why I never even turned around to acknowledge him when he smacked my ass. Then he did it again for good measure just in case, you know, I didn't realize he was trying to get my attention.

And all this was happening during one of my fave songs of all time.

"All I wanna do is zoom-a-zoom zoom zoom and a boom-boom. JUST SHAKE YOUR RUMP!"

Yeah, go figure these 2 doods would massacre an oldie but goodie. That song will be forever corrupted by their idiocy in my mind.

Sunflower's lil crew, although well-meaning, kept telling the boys that it was my birthday. They were sweethearts, but that is so not my m.o. I don't need to tell the guys it's my birthday to get what I want. Anyways, this caused dipstick's friend to think "Hey, what this girl needs on her birthday is a 2-on-1 grind!"

Ladies and gentlemen, I have never EVER had such a ridiculous experience in my entire life. The one guy still doing his grinding thing/whatever behind me, his friend doing his grinding thing on my side. As if it wasn't bad enough to have one horrible dancer up on me, but now 2? What did I do to deserve that?

For a brief moment, I considered teaching them a thing or 2 about how to do things proper. Boys and girls, I tried to lead by example. Nevertheless, it didn't work. The more I did things the right way, the more enthusiastic they got with their movements. In the end I thought better of dipping right in front of them. Fears of them bucking me in the ass and having me fall onto the dancefloor face first kept me from attempting anything fancy-schmancy. I mean, I hadn't even managed to coach them on the basics! All my efforts were in vain.

Then finally, the dipstick duo realized they weren't getting through to me. A hand grabbed me on my shoulder (wow, way to lay claim to a girl) and this voice whispered in my ear: "How old are you, darlin'?"

So I answered back truthfully. "24"

A moment of contemplation...silence from the Roxbury dipstick...and then: "18? You don't say!" Then I felt him back up from behind me and tell his friend "Man, she's 24!"

And then they were gone.

You would think I would've been glad to be free of them. But really all they did was frustrate me even more. First you want to dance (or something to that effect) and now you're shunning me 'cuz of my age??? I wanted to kick their asses down for making me feel bummed, albeit for only a minute. But it was bad enough that they considered me a cougar, it would be worse to turn that label into "raging cougar." Look out! It's the mad cougar from hell!

Despite all the dipstick-drama (I promise all the dipstick talk begins and ends with this post) I had a great time with my friends. It was just like the good old days up in that booth, drinking and laughing. Daisy, Bizkette and I left the club in good spirits. 3 inebriated guys entertained us for part of the way to Amazing Pizza Kitchen. It felt like Banff 2002 all over again. *sigh*