Tiger, tiger, burning bright in the forest of the night

Perhaps I missed my calling. All this animal mating stuffs amuses me. I should become the Dr. Ruth of the animal kingdom, only younger, more vivacious, and with better hair and clothes.

For some reason my dad was watching a documentary on tigers last night. It always amazes me when he watches the Discovery Channel and the like, I don't know why. He watches a lot more TV to enrich his mind than I ever could.

So I sat down and watched with him for a bit. Those tigers, such interesting critters.

And they're really efficient, too! Did you know that mommy tigers have a gestation period of only 3 months? Can you imagine if we were only pregnant for 3 months? That hardly makes for a very long maternity leave. Not to mention how are you supposed to get the nursery ready in 12 measly weeks? And schedule in that Lamaze class? Get clothes for the baby? Can you even fathom how quickly our bellies would swell?

Even quicker is the whole mating part. Yeah, a whole ecstacy-inducing 30 seconds! If we had the sex life of tigers I think the world would be teeming with unsatisfied women. Kind of makes you wonder if being a tiger in the sack is really a compliment, huh? Geez...30 seconds!

Missy Elliott's One Minute Man would end up being a tribute song rather than a diss. Of course she'd have to tweak the lyrics a bit. She can't say she don't want, she don't need, she can't stand no minute man.

"It's time to set yo' clock back bout as long as you can
I stop daylight. It's Ludacris the maintenance man"

Men would aspire to become the ultimate One Minute Man.

Unfortunately, nothing can help poor "Jim" as he would still rank below the global average for his, uh, performance. Keep on dancing, Jim-boy. We still love you.