FOX: you want garbage? You've got it.

Ok, I don't have a beef with everything on the FOX network, but when they go for the tacky, they really go all out tacky.

One of numerous examples: Married By America.

Due to the premise of this show, I barely watched any of it. Much like Joe Millionaire, Who Wants To Marry A Multimillionaire?, and the upcoming Mr. Personality (hosted by Monica Lewinsky!), it raises people's hopes (the people on the show) only to crush them. Personal devastation for the viewing pleasure of the masses.

Thanks to my mom's weekly updates I kept tabs with everything going on on Married By America even though I had no desire to get "into" the program.

But I caved and watched last night's finale with my mom. Yup, they had Jill the former Playboy model marrying Kevin the mama's boy. Then there was obnoxious-in-a-Julia-Roberts-way Billy Jeanne (complete with close gay friend!) marrying the lecherous Tony. You know Tony just wanted a piece, and Billy Jeanne fit that need to a T. Well done America, you paired these two couples well. Crikey.

If you didn't tune in last night, and I'm proud of you if you didn't, neither couple got married. In that respect I'm relieved. I would be serious choked if people had such little self-respect for themselves as to be marital marionnettes to boost FOX's ratings.

I think Jill jumped the gun when she said "I don't" at the altar. My take on the whole thing is she rejected him in anticipation of him rejecting her. It was a matter of saving pride.

See? It's always a game with these people.

I bet she pooped in her Victoria's Secret when she realized Kevin had been willing to go through with the marriage. Haha. Bye bye expensive car. Adios 500,000 dollars. Sayonara down payment to a house. (If anyone knows better what the actual "prize" for getting married on the show consisted of, please enlighten me)

The one I ultimately felt sorry for was the girl I liked the least, Billy Jeanne. As annoying as she was, she gave Tony everything she had emotionally (as well as physically, I'm sure) She epitomized the textbook definition of true love. But true love on television??? It just doesn't add up.

The fallout at the altar when Tony admitted he still wasn't in love with her was a complete and utter zoo. You have her friends fleeing their seats in tears. You have the gay friend calling Tony a bastard and chastizing him for waiting till the last minute to call off the wedding. Then there's Tony's best man hashing it out with the friend in Tony's defense. The groom is second-guessing his decision, all of a sudden convinced that he could have fallen in love with her. The bride is in the closet feeling like "a joke" and her sister is in hysterics trying to convince her that she "deserved better than this." Hello??? None of you tried to convince her not to do the show, knowing full well she could get seriously hurt.

I feel very unclean when people's emotions are sacrificed for entertainment value. Temptation Island is still a guilty indulgence I am addicted to. But at least you never feel bad for anyone on Temptation Island