*sigh*

I can't really say anything about this. I want to, but I feel like I have no right to share in the grief of those who knew her better.

I'll let her say it all.

I wish I could call my friends right now to express my condolences. But somehow it feels too late. We all let ourselves drift apart on our own little lives. To call now...would that seem phoney and insincere? To offer up what kind words I have, when during the previous months we have not made any effort to offer any words at all regarding anything?

Desolation. Something ought to be said, but I feel like my words and emotions must be kept to myself. My hurt over the matter is minute compared to the hurt that my friends are experiencing right now. Do people need their own space to grieve? Or is it just my own way of dealing?

She's right when she says "I'm sorry" is inadequate, to the point where it is even meaningless. But what else can be said? Can I find any better way to express what I feel for them, for her, for everyone involved.

I can't. It's indescribable.