"You remind me of my jeep."

Old news, but I felt like speaking about it. Ok, I don't think anybody can deny that there are, and have always been, two major problems with R. Kelly.

No. 1) I don't know about you, but I wasn't at all surprised when he got busted with those underage girls. The day he married young, impressionable Aaliyah gave his dirty little preference away clearly.

No. 2) He's a miserable smooth talker. Used car salesman, all the way, baby. "The way you do the things you do reminds me of my Lexus Coupe." How? Explain! And he goes on with the stupid car analogies "I'm about to take my key and stick it in the ignition...so gimme that 'toot, toot,' lemme give you that 'beep, beep.'" Please don't tell me this is how he won over Aaliyah's heart. Again, this is nothing new. *clears throat* "You remind me of my jeep, I wanna ride it. Something like my sound, I wanna pump it. Girl, you look just like my cars, I wanna wax it. And something like my bank account, I wanna spend it, baby."

Now, I'm trying to think back to before I turned 18. Would I have gone all a-twitter if some guy said "Hey, you remind me of a Hummer?" I'd like to think not. Perhaps they could have won me over with "Girl, you're like a keyboard, I want to tap it?" Hmm, no.

Despite admitting most of his songs are "catchy," I can't help thinking each song is directed towards some 13-year-old girl. He needs to keep his snake well away from those underage thoia thoings.

Bonus story: Weird Kid was telling me about how his 30-year-old manager recently bought R. Kelly's latest. Weird Kid's response to the guy? "I'm not surprised...it suits you well." Apparently, 30-year-old manager likes driving by high schools in his Honda Civic and having all the "fine" girls check out his "ride." I can't believe there are R. Kelly impersonators out there.