A good cry

I wrote that poem (Kismet) in junior high. It was about Jonathan Brandis until I altered the details so it described another guy. (For shame!) I've changed it back to its original edit. Back then I thought it was all romantic, but upon rereading it now it sounds kind of morbid.

There are details in the Yahoo article that I hadn't read in anything else I had come across.

Last night as I read about it a vivid image of what his final experiences must have been like came to mind and I broke down. And to be honest I think it's exactly what I was waiting for inside. Like I said, I've been surprised at how hard I've been taking his death...but no matter how miserable I was feeling I couldn't shed any tears. So it was actually a relief and a release when I finally cried last night.

It really hurts to think that he, and a lot of others out there, felt/feel so hopeless that ending their own lives actually looked/looks inviting. They are loved and cherished people; and it is unfortunate that sometimes that may not be enough to drive away a loved one's misery. In a perfect world, one's monsters and demons would never be able to overshadow all their blessings/positives?

It's so tragic. What was intended as a cry for help cruelly turns into his final statement.

For myself, at least, the good cry I had let a lot of my bumness out. I can bundle up this experience and look ahead to the next. And I'm sure it'll be a happy one.