Poof

Zak said I was worrying too much. Sadly, now I'm even more of a worry-wart.

Guys suck. I've never ever said that before, but I'm really feeling it now.

And I know that I have "spies" who read my blog who are just going to gloat over how crappy my situation is right now, but I don't care. I'm not going to hide how I'm feeling just to avoid giving you the satisfaction. This is my blog, my thoughts, and it wouldn't be right for me to censor myself on here.

So yeah, if you haven't guessed it already, that guy from last week? Gone. Not even a week. Didn't even get to our second date. How do you like that? And for the first time in my life, I can actually say I've been hurt.

Yay, congratulations to mr. guy *throws confetti in the air* He succeeded in getting me down. I think what hurts the most is I have no clue what went wrong. No clue! I thought everything was going so well. For once I liked somebody who (I thought) liked me back. It felt like a sure thing -- despite the short time we had known each other -- since he was already talking about me sometime seeing his dogs, doing this, doing that. A bit rushed, in my opinion, but I went with it 'cuz I was just as excited he was. Or at least I thought he was excited. He was calling me, it wasn't all in my head. He was the one who asked if we could go do something again on the weekend.

Then from all that contact to nothing. What the hell happened?

He called on Friday (when I was with my friend) but never left a message. Odd. But it was too late to call him back when I got home.

Then Saturday came, the day we were supposed to get together. Nothing had been set so I called him and left a message to find out the details. He never called me back.

He never called me back.

Again, I ask, what the hell happened? I called later that night to see if he was ok...another voicemail. Caller ID on my cell showed a number I didn't recognize calling me at quarter to 3 in the morning. Was that him? No message. I wonder what would have happened if I had been awake to take the call.

I've lost my guy-status in this relationship. I *embarassed* threw all pride out the window, not to mention my cool and left him a message on ICQ practicaly begging for an explanation. And you know what he did? He pretended to be someone else.

It's driving me crazy not knowing, but I guess it's something I'm going to have to accept. I got beat this round...but now I also know how those other guys I've seen in the past have felt when I just left them hanging. I won't ever do that again.

Speaking of spies, maybe he's found this little blog of mine. Not that I ever kept it a secret. It's linked on every single profile I've got anywhere on this web world. Maybe he's got issue with it, but he should have the balls to tell me if that's what the trouble was. And yes, I voiced my issues with the constant calling, but I adapted and I was liking it...and now I'm missing it. But if he ever did read what I wrote and not just skimmed through it, surely he would've known how much I was liking him.

Geez, so many "what ifs?" I really really hate that. And he's the only one with the answers...and it looks like he'll never give them to me.

Yes, I'm a late bloomer. Look at that, the first time I finally feel a guy is worth letting my guard down for and I get disrespected like that. Ugh.