Dirty laundry

I am so seething right now. I need to talk about it.

The Toronto chapter of my family is all f'ed up.

I mean, sure, over here we have had some divorces, a remarriage, a case of infidelity...but somehow it always turns out ok. I attribute the success of the Calgary family circle to our closeness, our sense of family and of love.

But those in the GTA are all messed up. A couple of years ago I found out that I have an uncle (in Quebec, I think) that I will never get to meet. For some reason his parents didn't want to marry and so him and his mom go about their lives with pretty much no associations at all to my family. That made me sad...knowing that there's family out there that I'll never meet.

Then there's the "crazy ex-wife" (though by all legal definitions she's not his ex-wife and yet he's been living common-law with my new aunt for years and years and they have kids of their own now) from whom my weak-willed uncle has been convinced to hide from. Hiding also entails never letting my cousin know where they have moved to. This means that he (and my cousins from the new aunt) have pretty much cut off all ties with his/their grandchildren/niece and nephew and even his/their own daughter/half-sister.

This makes me sooooooo mad.

Comparing these two men as I've grown up, my daddy will always be the bigger, better man than his older brother (uncle in T.O.). Whoever suggested this whole "hiding" business is playing on the fact that my uncle is a cowardly sheep that will do anything his new "wife" and outside influences tell him to do. He hasn't been very fatherly to my cousin ever since he started his new "family" and you would think that now with grandchildren around this would bring him closer to his first-born. Apparently not.

If my dad EVER tried to pull a stunt like that with me and my siblings...hiding from us and denying himself the pleasure of knowing his own grandchildren I would do my damn best to ensure he NEVER saw them again. He wouldn't deserve it. But my dad would never do that, and I love him all the more because of it.

But his sibling on the other side of the country...I know I'm supposed to love my uncle 'cuz he's blood. There's still love there, I suppose, but there is definitely no respect.

I just had a row with my grandma at lunch (in front of my daddy, no less) about this whole fiasco. She, dare I say it though I love my grandma dearly, has the little-mindedness that my uncle has. She doesn't see any other solution. Um, hello? It's called a restraining order. Look it up. Anyway, she can go visit Toronto on her own if she wants. If she can live with not seeing her great-grandchildren then that's her choice. I don't want to ever go there and stay with my uncle 'cuz it'd be a waste of my stay, never seeing my goddaughter and my cousin.

Then there's the flipside of flying directly to Hamilton (where my cousin and her own little family moved to to escape all this drama and headache...I don't know how she can take this all so calmly) for the sole purpose of staying with my cousin and goddaughter. And with that comes not getting to see my other cousins and my uncle during my stay in Ontario.

Grrrrrrrr.

I can't stand it. There IS no love in Toronto. Or at least they are somehow able to turn off their love for one another. Everyone is self-serving and inconsiderate of the rest of the family. It disgusts me. It does.