Get Well Soon

Best wishes to Bizkette who's going for surgery tomorrow. I'm hoping you have a speedy recovery and as soon as you feel like taking visitors I'll be right over. Well, as soon as I get the word. :)

Here's also hoping that this little guy in my family circle continues to feel better and comes home soon. A couple of weeks ago he suffered from e.coli poisoning (they think it came from a cheeseburger from their neighborhood McDonald's) and it's been complication after complication ever since. This guy's only 2 years old and since this incident he had a seizure at the hospital, went through dialysis, and all sorts of ordeals. I don't know all the details. Last I heard he was starting to bounce back and they may finally release him sometime this week. I sure hope so.

Now on to lighter and fluffier stuffs. I bought a new cowboy hat for this year's Stampede. Or at least it's as cowboy as I'd like it to be...it's one of those beat up super-curled brim straw cowboy hats that you see at Spare Parts for 40 dollars. Except I got mine at Wal-Mart for 7 bucks. Haha! And that's really all I'm willing to spend on western gear. I'm gonna jazz it up to make it more "Leah" somehow.

When I got it home I popped it on my head and showed it to Weird Kid. He was on the phone, though, so I just shout-whispered while pointing to my hat "THIS is the funkiest hat EVER."

But he misunderstood me and replied "Yeah, that IS the f**king gayest hat ever." And he started relaying to his girlfriend over the phone about how I had just bought a "gay" hat. Shows how much he knows, his girlfriend even sells these types of hats at her store. SO THERE!

Hmmm, que mas? Friday was kind of uneventful. Bizkette was unable to come out with us. Total miscommunication. Daisy said that Bizkette didn't want to see anyone which I took to mean that she wants to be completely solitary with threats of homicide to anyone who disturbed her isolation. However, what she had actually meant was she didn't want anyone to see her. I suppose it means the same thing except that the first way sounds more murderous. So Daisy, mr. guy, and I ended up at Vicious Circle and then to Pita Pit by my house where mr. guy tried his first falafel ever. It's not the best introduction. Actually, out of all the places where I go to get falafels I think Pita Pit would be my least favorite but it was the only one that was open still.

Anyway, he ended up getting sick off of the falafel the next day. I felt kinda bad, but if middle eastern food disagrees with him that much then he should've said something. Geez. Besides, there are so many other things he could have had at Pita Pit. He didn't have to have a falafel and actually I told him they're not the best there. Whatever. Guys don't listen. Noone listens to me, actually.

Saturday was SoHo's 3 year anniversary and Flag Girl, Latina, and her man joined Daisy and I over there. mr. guy was there as per usual...and he was wearing the cologne I've come to associate with him. I love that smell, I didn't realize how much I missed it the whole time he was wearing that other cologne. I stayed away from the absinthe martini and danced everytime I had the urge. As luck would have it everytime mr. guy came around we'd be sitting at the table drinking. In my defense I had a glass of diet coke, a bottlecap shooter, and a strawberry margarita.

But you want to know what he said-yelled to me?

"Can't you stop drinking just ONCE???"

Holy crap.

And that was kind of the last straw/motivation I needed, you know? I realized that everytime he's been out with me lately it's been with me and my friends. And for some reason, everytime I'm with my friends I end up consuming alcohol. Like social smokers, I've become a social drinker.

Which, I would hope, would shock anyone who truly knows me. 'Cuz, I mean, throughout my younger years when alcohol was more of a novelty I stayed sober while my friends got drunk. I'd have water or pop at the bars (soda, for you Americans).

So what changed all that? To be honest, I have no clue. All I know is that whenever we're at Bizkette's place I'm drinking. Anytime I'm out with Daisy...I'm drinking (usually our reasoning is 'cuz she's driving so I'm drinking for HER by proxy.)

I'm not liking this. It's not like I'm drinking to Ryan-sized proportions but it really isn't me at all. I need to quit this. It'll save me some money and it's not like it helps me have fun, anyway.

Unfortunately, Daisy's last day of work at the school is this coming Wednesday and guess how she wants to celebrate? Just guess.

I don't know how I'll be able to "dry up." This is terrible. Horrible.

Which actually leads me to a somewhat related story. Last night mr. guy kept coming and going, social butterfly that he is, and at one point he came back with this lanyard-looking thing around his neck.

Apparently you connect the neck of your beer bottle to the hoop in the lanyard and that way it keeps your drink close to you at all times. He thought it was the coolest thing. I thought it was messed up.

"It's just like when we're babies. It's a soother!"

"That's horrible. Beers are not pacifiers."

I also won some sort of prize last night, but after fighting through the crowd to one end of the club chasing down where to collect the prize...and then fighting my way back to the other side to try and collect the prize again, I gave up. With my luck it was probably a Corona duffle bag, and you know I would've looked sooooo cool toting that around the club for the rest of the night.

Maybe I should've got it and swapped mr. guy for his pacifier-lanyard doohickie. That's the ticket. Riiiiight.

I personally thought I looked hot last night, but I guess the guys weren't seeing what I was seeing. Bah *shrugs shoulders* I successfully avoided dancing one-on-one with mr. guy, 'cuz you all know that truth be told I'm terrified of dancing with him 'cuz he can actually dance. I don't want to embarass myself. He ended up dancing with Flag Girl and some of his other friends.

And then I witnessed something that maybe I shouldn't have seen, or maybe he wanted me to see, I don't know. But it slammed home the reality of us being friends. Then there I was, kind of feeling bad for myself (but just briefly, it didn't spoil my night or anything) 'cuz I admitted to myself that I do kind of like him. I'm glad that I've written about him in here during all this time 'cuz then I can look back and see how things were crappy when I thought I could end up with him, and then I can compare it with how wonderful it is to have him to hang out with as buddies.

See, it's not like I didn't know that we were "just friends" now, but I suppose I was keeping hope that maybe there was more. (Yeah yeah, everybody tell me you told me so. Get it over with, get it out of your system. "Leah, guys and girls can never be 'just friends.'") Especially since everything is so great and fun with him now. Everyone knows he's crushing on Bizkette, but even then I thought there was hope for me 'cuz she admitted she's not attracted to him so nothing would happen there. But yeah, what I saw last night drove home the reality, and I'm kind of at a loss for words about how I feel about it. I wouldn't say I'm devastated, but it's not like I'm feeling 100% great, either.

Last night I swore Daisy to secrecy not to spill what I just shared on here. I felt it would be embarassing if my friends found out I was feeling a bit crushed even though I kept telling them that "we're friends, we're friends." But why hide it? I shouldn't be afraid to embarass myself on here.

Part of me wished/wishes I could just avoid him until I get over all of this, but that's pretty much impossible since he's infiltrated my social circle so well. It would be too obvious. I don't want him to know all this, but obviously if I don't call him and stuffs then clearly something's up. So I have to pretend everything's alright? Augh.

Daisy thought it was a ploy (ever the romantic, she is...plus she's all obsessed with the mind games guys play) to get me to react. Much like Honda Boy's infamous scheme to get aqua_angel to make a play for him. She thinks he meant for me to see, so that if I really did have any feelings then it would be obvious and I'd lay it all out on the line. (Which would make sense 'cuz I'm trying so hard to be just his friend that I'm practically keeping 20 feet away from him just so he won't think I'm "trying to get close" or anything like that. Except for the "good night" hug everytime we go out. He must think I'm some kind of cold-blooded b*tch.) Her solution? Kiss him. But, augh, I can't do that. Suppose she read him wrong. Suppose I try to kiss him and he doesn't want to and I totally embarass myself, not to mention now I've made it awkward between me and my new friend. That'd be crappy. So instead of gaining anything, I'd lose everything 'cuz he'd get away from me mad-quick.

It also kind of shot my confidence, too, you know? 'cuz (and I know I'm going to get lectured about this) when I saw him out there I thought to myself "Why would he bother with me when he can have pretty and skinny girls like them?" It's something I've always chastised Daisy for thinking about herself, and yet here I am now thinking the same thing about myself.

*sigh* I can work through this. I just have to put my game face on until I can convince myself 100% that we're just friends. Until then, I think I deserve an Academy award. Or maybe I'm not a good actress; maybe I'm really obvious about how I'm feeling. Oh good god, I hope not.