Step By Step

Tonight, I did it. I signed up for a course in continuing education.

A tad scared...not going to lie. It's been - let's just say a while - since I've done the textbook/homework/exam bit. And as excited as I am to start this journey I figured it would be best to pace myself and ease back into it. Hence, the (let's hope) easy-peasey ONE class this semester. But things are so different now. I was not working full time the last time I was in school. I was also more accustomed to studying and doing classwork back then.

At any rate, what an adventure this is going to be!

May I also add that since changing companies I've had a HUGE turnaround in my life. I knew my past job was toxic but I had no clue...none...how draining it was on me. This was where the whole "I have got to get out and do something better for myself...I deserve more" mission started to grow within me. Really, I should not have been surprised when I asked my former employer to consider accommodating my night courses into the work schedule that there would be no support there. I am ashamed to admit that had events not fallen together these past couple of months I would still be working there, passive and complacent and letting the toxicity eat me alive. Kind of funny that the kindest thing she ever did for me was getting rid of me.

But it also makes me wonder. If I had been placed in another office would I still be looking for a way out of this industry? As much as I love my job, I think it would have eventually surfaced no matter where I was working. It's not that I don't love my job. (Truth be told, I was hating it at the old office. But this new office has revived me like you would not believe!) I still very much enjoy what I do, and I feel I am fantastic in my position. But I see those who work alongside me and their roles in life are very much different than mine. To them this work is like a hobby, a way to kill time and have fun. Many of them are in dual-income relationships. A lot of them could retire and just relax at home. I feel like I have yet to live my life and, hate to say it, but money plays huge in that. I'm not looking for a sugar daddy...but gosh would that be fun! No no, I have to find something I can enjoy doing but that will take care of me cash-wise. Alas, welcome to real life.

So wish me luck! Since I will not be a full-time student this will be a journey several years in the making. But by the end I hope to still be happy but with more money and time to live life. It has been 8 years since my cancer adventure. I cannot live my life anymore without thinking long-term and future. This girl is going to be around for a while. Count on it.