Better run while you can

I sighed as I saw the numbers on the scale scowling back at me at the end of my workout today. It definitely was not a surprise but most certainly it was a wake-up call. Almost all of the great work I had done over the past few years is now gone. Talk about sitting on ones achievements.

And not even half an hour before that I had a terrible scare. My "regular" elliptical trainer workout was difficult...so difficult. I slowed my pace, figuring so long as I put in my time on the machine it was better than blasting through a shorter period of time. My knees were starting to ache, my legs were rebelling against the workout, walking backward (in my futile attempt to develop a butt. I have since read that there are NO exercises one can do to create a more prominent bum than the one you already possess. Woe is me...but that's for another time) was choppy and lacked any fluidity whatsoever. Two-thirds of the way into my session I debated whether I should give it a rest for the day. It has been a few days since my last workout and with the gastronomical wrecking ball that is Thanksgiving I felt I needed to push myself further...almost like a penance for the weekend's overindulgence.

That was completely unwise, as it turned out. In the last 10 minutes I started to notice I would feel dizzy whenever I looked down to my timer. By the end of my workout - after pushing myself unnecessarily, I'm sure - I was absolutely out of sorts. Panic set in. I had just experienced my colleague having a cardiac emergency right in our office, almost exactly a year after daddy's bypass. My heart wasn't racing but I wondered how I could possibly drive myself home? I did not want to call my dad as he would probably worry too much. But what if I didn't snap out of this dizzy spell and I didn't ask for help before it got worse? I sat down, not much relief there. Finally I grabbed a mat and lay down, staring at the ceiling.

I'm not sure how long I lay there but a lot of thoughts went through my head as my body started to calm down. I was disappointed at how I had let all my good work go to waste. It will probably be much harder to lose the weight this time around. I was upset that I had broken my promise to my uncle. The soreness of my knee is a coincidental reminder of how I failed in that respect. Every day I get more and more bummed out about how my clothes are fitting but thus far it has been all talk and complaining with no substantial action to make things right again. Blah.

So as I got up off the mat (dizziness subsided) and walked over to the scale I already knew what I needed to do. Seeing those numbers just made it more real. I couldn't be in denial and think I was just getting "a little bit" bigger. The threat of being back at my worst is much too close for comfort.