Protection

My mom shared some news tonight that upset me greatly. A nurse from my grandma's care facility called her to report that there was an incident where my grandma was touched inappropriately. All she could tell us was the person who called her but she could not tell us anything else like whether it was a member of the staff or another resident who touched my grandma. I was frustrated that mom would just shrug off this news. I realize she is feeling anxious and overwhelmed since dad has passed but lately she has also been very passive with any decisions that need to be made and she does not reach out for assistance when she needs it. She avoided telling us the news because she said she "knew (I) would get mad." But seriously this sounds like a criminal situation and not something that she should just sweep away without facing it or at least asking us children to deal with it. The fact that she is not good with details (ie. what the facility says is being done about the touching, who I can contact for more information, how do I get authorization so my brother and I can deal with my grandmother's care rather than her) also frustrates me because it's basically like she has given up on everything. My brother then put me in check as he said my tone with our mom is always accusatory. I don't mean to "attack" my mom if that is how it comes across but I definitely want her to snap out of it and let's get things done. Even with the future of my sister's care...mom always laments that the responsibility is all on her but when we ask her to delegate or lay out what needs to be done she has no insight to share. 

I feel awful and helpless -- I feel like we are failing dad. If dad had been here to get the news about what happened to grandma he would have driven over there in a heartbeat and got answers. And that is not just because it's his mom. He would do the same for any of us. And here I am trying to get things done on my days off. 

I feel horrible thinking of how my grandma must feel...to be helpless against someone taking advantage of her and when she asks her loved ones when can she come home we basically tell her to stay put in a facility where she's scared and does not feel safe. I would not wish that feeling on anyone and it breaks my heart that my own family member has to endure that every day. I am so sorry, daddy. We promised to take care of grandma as we laid you to rest and we cannot seem to even do that right.