Bellini-induced Brain Freeze

Why are corn niblets spelled with one B whereas the word nibble has two? Moving on... I really wish I could motivate myself to write in here whenever the mood strikes me. As it stands I have to play catch-up with my thoughts yet again. Boob-watch 2011: I've been driving again for a month now. Hooray! I've also picked up a few "normal" bras. Have I lost a lot? Well, considering I was always too embarrassed to get the girls professionally fitted they are down a cup from what I used to wear (still haven't gotten them professionally fitted) and depending on the maker of the bra it's possible they have been downsized even two cups. Yowza. I'm feeling a lot better about them; sometimes I do miss them when I wear a top where they used to be more front-and-center...but that could just be similar to how us ladies feel when we have a dramatic haircut. I love the fact that dresses zip up with ease now (remind me to tell you about the day I was a bridesmaid dressed in...

Well, not quite, but it is a gorgeous day outside. And things seem to be progressing nicely *knock on wood* So exactly 7 days ago I was probably snapping out of my anesthetic and the deed was done. So how was it? I would say the pain was at its worst straight out of surgery, in the recovery room. The nurses would ask me for my number -- on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being mild and 10 being the worst pain I have ever experienced (that's practically verbatim, folks) -- and I said 5 off the bat. Unfortunately, she couldn't give me any painkillers yet as my breathing was still really slow. By the time she was able to administer anything I rated the pain at a 6. I don't know what the nurse gave me but it must have been some pretty terrific stuff because my number was never back up there again. The rest of the day and into the evening I rated the pain at 1 or 2, at times even as ambitious as 0. Just like my very first surgery (a corneal transplant in 7th grade) I was taking th...

It's time, ladies and gentlemen. In 10 hours I'm going to be headed into the OR and about 2 hours later (or so they tell me) I should be a little less stacked. Farewell back problems, digging underwires, and stupid social comments? Let's hope so.

In nine days I am going to lie on a table, close my eyes, and wake up a little less stacked. It has been consuming a lot of my "thinking-time" as of late. I still worry, but if I was truly terrified I think I would have backed out by now. What troubles me the most is the recovery. I don't know what to expect. Or actually, I've been told what to expect and have heard from those who have undergone the procedure what I can expect, but I am hoping for better. Wisdom teeth? That was a breeze; the surgeon was surprised I was on the phone when he did his evening follow-up call. Corneal transplant? A piece of cake. Yes, I was out of school for a while (I can't even remember how long anymore) but I do not recall any pain or discomfort...just an inconvenience if anything. My parotidectomy? That one was a little gross -- I recall getting faint when the time came for the doctor to remove that icky drain post-op. I mean, yes, I was happy to get rid of it but I was ...

So...it's happening. After all these years contemplating having a breast reduction I never thought it would actually happen. And you know what? I got a call to set up a surgery date. Oh. My. God. So May 3rd I will become a little less stacked. I would say de-stacked or un-stacked, but let's not get drastic here. Uber scared! I have been thinking about it non-stop. Is this surgery really necessary? Everyone I have talked to who has had the procedure done say they wish they had it done earlier, that I will be so happy I got it done, blah blah blah. I hear that. I understand it. Guess I'm just a big pansy when it comes to surgeries, pain, and the like. My past surgeries have not been that painful, though they were more crucial operations. In this case I'm lying on the operating table for something that isn't really crucial to my health (unless you want to talk about sore backs, emotional happiness, etc.) but all the information I have read make it sound ...

Hoh ho! You get two days of posting in a row; you lucky dog! My coffee table is a whole to-do of books to read. You would think I would just write a list of things I would like to read someday. Instead, I end up with all these impulse purchases from our local bookstore, with a mental post-it note to read it sometime. On one day of wandering through the shelves I came across the cover "Talking to Girls About Duran Duran." Being that I am an amateur Duran Duran nut the book caught my attention right away. So then I found out the book was the second one written by Rob Sheffield; and Mr. Sheffield first wrote a book called "Love is a Mix Tape." So since the second book was only available in hardcover (and I'm not a fan of hardcover) and the first looked like an easy read in paperback it jumped into my open hands and came with me to the cash register. The store clerk was really excited by my purchase...to the point that I was embarrassed that I had never heard...

I was heaving a whole stack of catalogs onto a rack this afternoon when one of the thick covers gave me a nasty papercut. Lovely. Can't tell you why this always stuck with me but one class in high school, I couldn't tell you which subject, the teacher spent a whole lesson on suffering. A papercut was an example of senseless suffering. There is no purpose or lesson to be learned from the pain it causes. It just hurts. Nothing you can do about it. Pretty much no remedy for it. Just let it sting and irritate you as long as it will. Boy, do those buggers really get to you. So then it made me think about my current situation, if you can call it that. Not that it just popped into my head. It had been marinating in my head for many a day now. It's all about a boy. As far as I can see Aidan has cut me off yet again. No hints. No warning. I have gone from some form of daily acknowledgment to deep cold NADA. But this should be a papercut, right? We were never in a ...

Happy New Year, boys and girls! So...another year. Some stuff new and more of the same. New job? Check. (Since my separation with my former employer I have heard through the grapevine of at least 4 more employees who are no longer with them...and they are not hiring any replacements! Someone was seriously looking out for me when they ousted me. Hidden blessings, I tell you all.) New path? Also check. Happier times? You betcha. The creeper who comes and visits my blog still has not identified his or herself (FYI: Bellini is spelled with two Ls. I know you still get directed to my page, but get it right) and I do not want to be paranoid but it'd really ease my mind if you would just let me know who you are. Over the past little while I have met some characters who I would rather not be reading this page -- really, my life is none of your concern -- and I realize the internet is public and a privacy free-for-all but it would be so nice not to have to take my blog down to ...

Talk about timing but I noticed something looked amiss on my blog. Turns out blogrolling.com "ceased" operations as of last month. The inner packrat in me freaked out...all those blogs I used to read on the regular GONE! But - surprise! - I had saved a few of my old blog pages that show my old templates and blah blah blah...problem solved; found all my old blogging peeps. And then came the great purge. Blogger offers a blogroll of sorts, but I had to add them in one by one. Now was a great time as any to finally organize the list. I knew a lot of people had stopped writing - some have even dismantled their blog and it's as if it never existed - so I had to figure out which to keep and which (that were still online but not necessarily active) to toss. If I know you personally or if I've had any interaction with you over all these blogging years I have kept you on. Alas, some of you are long gone and it was with great sadness that I had to get rid of your link. *po...

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” ~ Albert Einstein There is an Einstein exhibit going on at the Telus World of Science and you know I had to just go and check it out. Unfortunately, there was not a lot of hands-on science-y stuff to do re: Einstein. But what I didn't learn about Einstein's discoveries I DID learn about Einstein the person. A lot of the exhibit were letters he had written to various people (presidents, fellow scientists, journalists, and lovers. Yes, lovers. Apparently, Einstein was quite the ladies man. *thinks about whether she would have fallen for Einstein's charm back in the day*) The quote above wasn't at the exhibit; I found it in an article later on. But you've got to admit...how much of his brilliance was he holding back from us by being a normal guy and doing daily "normal guy" things? The quote also made me think of my current schedule. I t...

An update on my health: Yeah, I graduated from the Tom Baker Centre. They don't want to see me anymore. But I still check in with my ENT surgeon once a year to see how things are going. For the longest while, the worst byproduct of my radiation ordeal was my ear. It is so dry in there because it no longer produces its own oils so dirt and all sorts of nastiness just build up in there and my normal body functions do not kick into gear to clear it out like it should. So lo and behold, I had experienced my very first ear infection as a grown adult. Never had that problem as a kid, go figure. But other than the inconvenience of having to go every so often for him to clean it out (I don't dare take a Q-Tip to the area anymore) everything seemed alright. Until I guess one time he got it especially clean and noticed exposed bone in my ear. EXPOSED BONE! He figured the skin and tissues inside had sloughed off post-radiation and he referred me to a specialist to see what they ...

I'm sure everyone has done it at least once since they have discovered the joys of the internet. Admit it; you have Googled yourself at least once. At least. It came up as a random topic of conversation in the office today so sure enough we all looked ourselves up on Google for an update. I had not looked at my results for quite some time so I was surprised to see the very first match was for a site I had never heard of before. It gave me goosebumps when I clicked on the link. I would like to think that I am fairly savvy when it comes to protecting my privacy online. When news comes around of new sites gathering information and compiling them per person I do my best to make sure my details are masked and such...but this one was new. Sure, it had my age wrong and it was pretty obvious it had gathered a lot of my info off of the major-social-media-site-which-will-remain-unnamed, but yet there I was in fairly legitimate print. Chills. It reminded me (very much so) about all my...

I sighed as I saw the numbers on the scale scowling back at me at the end of my workout today. It definitely was not a surprise but most certainly it was a wake-up call. Almost all of the great work I had done over the past few years is now gone. Talk about sitting on ones achievements. And not even half an hour before that I had a terrible scare. My "regular" elliptical trainer workout was difficult...so difficult. I slowed my pace, figuring so long as I put in my time on the machine it was better than blasting through a shorter period of time. My knees were starting to ache, my legs were rebelling against the workout, walking backward (in my futile attempt to develop a butt. I have since read that there are NO exercises one can do to create a more prominent bum than the one you already possess. Woe is me...but that's for another time) was choppy and lacked any fluidity whatsoever. Two-thirds of the way into my session I debated whether I should give it a rest f...

This past weekend was baby sis' birthday weekend and as luck would have it there were quite a few shows to treat her to. Her best friend took her to Cirque de Soleil's Kooza - which worked out well since I am not a fan. Then on Friday us siblings went out to the Calgary Philharmonic's tribute to Michael Jackson: Thriller. On Saturday, baby sis and I joined up with some friends and took in Mamma Mia at the Jubilee. A music-filled weekend! Not only did it involve songs that I adore but it lit a fire under one of my true loves: music. Listening to the orchestra and watching them perform under their conductor brought out the eternal band geek in me. As much as I griped about the practices back in high school I would love to relive those times now. I haven't touched my saxophone in a loooooong time. The same goes for my piano, I rarely play the keys anymore. Now that my life is back to happiness and sunshine I can only imagine how much more joyful it would be if I b...

I have found myself in a deep and sad little funk as of late...and who knew it would be weight-related?! At my heaviest I didn't care about my size. I was happy, I loved clothes, I had fun and really did not see anything wrong with me. But since I "crossed over" I realized the thinner world was such a delicate place to be; I would almost say it lowered my self-esteem. The old Leah went on dates and enjoyed herself. Now she goes on fewer dates and worries that she looks awfully big compared to other girls these guys must have dated. And then she starts to wonder why they are even willing to go out with her. Was I a freak? Achieving a better body is supposed to build confidence, not shatter it. I thought I was awesome back in the day so what happened?! So then I figured there must be a happy medium. I all but gave up following my diet. It brought a little bit of joy back but not the right kind. As you will recall I was in a very toxic work situation so I tried to...

"Are you dating?" she asked. I replied "no" because that's the truth. Or at least I'm pretty sure it is. If we were dating I'd probably/hopefully see him more often and we would most likely have longer conversations...you know, that sort of thing. But what is scary is that I think nothing has changed in all these years. I'm still looking for more. Chances are I'm going to get hurt again. Need to nip this in the bud. I have been trying to meet up with other guys, and what is strange is that they are more my "type" but yet I still cannot seem to get very excited about it at all. Maybe I have been wrong about my type all along. Deep down I realize that doesn't make sense; I have more to talk about with these guys. I suppose until one of them asks me that one specific question I am pretty much fair game for anyone. But what then? Would I get excited about it then? So much for rainbows and unicorns. But if any of them say t...

Tonight, I did it. I signed up for a course in continuing education. A tad scared...not going to lie. It's been - let's just say a while - since I've done the textbook/homework/exam bit. And as excited as I am to start this journey I figured it would be best to pace myself and ease back into it. Hence, the (let's hope) easy-peasey ONE class this semester. But things are so different now. I was not working full time the last time I was in school. I was also more accustomed to studying and doing classwork back then. At any rate, what an adventure this is going to be! May I also add that since changing companies I've had a HUGE turnaround in my life. I knew my past job was toxic but I had no clue...none...how draining it was on me. This was where the whole "I have got to get out and do something better for myself...I deserve more" mission started to grow within me. Really, I should not have been surprised when I asked my former employer to consider ...

I watched dating drama unfold for a friend the other night. Hearing - secondhand - both sides of the tale made me contemplate how much of the drama we create for ourselves. Does it all stem from a common source? One thing I noticed right away was that we all deal with it differently. Maybe there are other factors uniqute to each situation but it seems clear to me that a lot of our drama is fueled by insecurity. Examples that come to mind: - Latina's recent dating scenario - Mr Guy the relationship addict and his domestic bliss - Myself - yes, I recognized (for the first time?!) that I harbor some insecurities Let's start with Mr Guy as he is the most dated example and it won't take long to break him down. My feeling was he was too insecure to be comfortable with his singledom. His track record BL (Before Leah)hinted at it from the get-go. Married, then long-term relationship, then engaged. After we met for the first time he vanished off the face of the Earth. You...

I read an article in today's newspaper and felt compelled to jump onto the soapbox that was once my blog. As many of you know, I'm not much of a follower in all things political/governmental so this will be more of an emotional response but I felt I had to say something. The article can be found here. but I have cut and paste the article at the bottom of this post in case this link ever disappears. A while ago I wrote about how I panicked when the Tom Baker Centre had decided that I had graduated out of my annual follow-up appointments. Reading today's article made me realize how very fortunate I had been - and for so long, too. I remember when I had my first appointment at the Tom Baker. Talk about a whirlwind. Following my parotidectomy they did a biopsy of my lump - standard procedure - and found it to be a bad guy. I don't think it was even a week after my surgeon told me the news and I was already walking into the Tom Baker with my parents to find out what wa...

I can't tell you the day when it happened, how it came to happen, or why it happened but at some point in my life I stopped looking down to see where I was going. For the most part looking up and ahead never failed. Yes, there were a couple of times when I would trip up here and there, but looking people square in the eye as you pass and scoping out the area where you were headed usually meant I was confident in my direction, in myself, and I would get there without incident. A couple of weeks ago I finally met Mijo after knowing him from the internet for 13 years. 13!!! That's insane. I've met other people much faster but then again they've come and gone. (I wonder what they're up to now?) But Mijo's always been there and now I've finally met him. It still boggles my mind thinking about it, actually. Anyway, I digress, he can be a whole other post entirely. So I had a whole whopping 4 hours or so to hang with Mijo and his lovely girlfriend and she...