Bellini-induced Brain Freeze

Attempt number 5,352,891 at resurrecting my blog. I gave up social media for Lent and it's proving to be the best sacrifice for me because I sure am missing it! I figured if I can't see what everyone else is up to I may as well try and document what I have been doing. I just got back from a two-week jaunt to the Philippines to visit loved ones and explore more of that beautiful country. It was definitely not long enough; I did not get to see everyone and everything that I wanted. I did not get to eat everything that I wanted! But two weeks is better than nothing...and the awesome thing is one of my cousins and her family are hoping to come to North America in the fall so fingers crossed I can coordinate with them! Butch and I have been together for 3.5 years now. It sure does not feel like that much time has passed! (Also, I want a new codeame for Butch. As much as I love Pulp Fiction he needs a more awesome codename. In an attempt to feed my social-media-fast if anyone...

I keep meaning to blog more often but there was always something going on with my computer. Now I have no more excuses; my baby gave me a new computer last Christmas and he set me up with the fancy new Windows last night. Nothing should stop me now. A lot has gone on all around me. Latina had a baby boy, Civic went to Japan for a semester, my mini BFFs keep growing and being all-around adorable, and Daisy got married. And Butch and I are two years (and a month....but who's counting?) strong. The familia and I went to the Dominican Republic for their first taste (Weird Kid was not with us, alas) of all-inclusive resort vacations. As much as I enjoyed the family time I would have loved to have Butch there with me, too. Hopefully him and I can get away for another vacation sometime. I loved our cruise together. But with all the happy adventures that go on come some down times. When I got home last night I found out my godmother in the Philippines passed away. She was such a ...

I'm not, really. That song is just stuck in my head right now. The family and I went to Vegas for a few days during the month that I was Butch-less. It wasn't to escape -- we were celebrating a milestone birthday for mama and throwing in a little fete for Weird Kid as well. We had a great time but I missed Butch whenever I had a moment to think about it, and when I had more than a moment I would get to fretting about whether it would all turn out in the end. Shortly after we got home he asked to reconvene a few days earlier than scheduled which made me crazy nervous. We ended up ok. I think we're ok. I hope we'll be ok... Since starting up again I've tried harder to see him more often because I truly want him to be more a part of me. We had the opportunity to go on a cruise together which was bliss. I love him more and more all the time. During our trip he even woke/rescued me from a (stupid) nightmare involving a certain demonic doll. It will be very difficult ...

First off, can I just say it is pretty awkward and tedious blogging from my minitablet? Technology not always at its best. Let's see how long I last before I run to my computer downstairs in frustration. I know I should blog more so I can remember more events and sort out more of my thoughts. So much has happened in the last year... but it's what hasn't changed that has caused the problems I'm facing now. (Ok, that's it, I'm going downstairs. I may as well enjoy the computer Butch gave me for Christmas.) From falling in love, being pretty sure this was love, and now feeling completely lost without him. I would like to think that after being with Butch over a year and a half him and I would know how the other thinks or feels, but New Year's Eve brought up a lot of things that we had left unsaid throughout the past months. Yes, New Year's Eve. Heartbreaking. I'm not sure how I feel about New Year's Eve from here on out. Something was definitel...

My poor poor poor blog. Almost a year since my last post! And yet I have had so much happen...ridiculous. Hopefully I will discipline myself to write more to preserve my memories and sanity. 11

My neck and shoulder have been so sore as of late; it's been driving me nuts. I blamed it on an uncomfortable sleep but it doesn't seem to be letting up very much. And then one night while I was trying to give myself a neck rub I noticed that some of the stiffness felt much too firm. It being on my right side, where all the cancer drama happened over 10 years ago, of course makes me feel a little nervous. One night Butch was trying to help work the knot out and he even admitted it felt like more than a knot. This meant a lot more to me since I didn't even tell him what I was already thinking about it all. Good thing my annual followup with Dr. H is coming up next month. I also have my annual physical scheduled with Dr. T a couple of weeks prior. Between the two of them I hope this thing comes out as just a big superknot. Or if it worked itself out before next month I'd probably feel a lot more comfortable, but to be on the safe side I'd rather they had the op...

He told me he loved me! And all week long I thought whenever he got around to saying it, if he ever got around to saying it, I'd be a blubbering mess. But maybe the overwhelming feeling was just me. 'cuz when he said it I thought I kept it pretty cool. I felt like grinning like a moron while we were kissing but my eyes weren't leaking (as baby sis likes to put it). Maybe I had rehashed it in my head so much over the week that I had already reconciled whatever happens and squared it away in my little head. Que sera sera. Though I'm pretty sure that's not it. You would think I would be happy, and was . I was thrilled to hear him say it. But at the same time I went back into Leah-mode. I couldn't just enjoy hearing the words. I worried that maybe he was just saying it to make me happy. That my little waterworks from a few days back made him feel pressured to keep me content. Argh. Even when I headed home I said "I love you" before I got into my car...but ...

The Christmas holidays were fantastic! At least I thought they were. He invited me to his family stuff, I invited him to my family stuff. Family stuff abounded. We got to enjoy the New Year together. I was blissfully happy. I am blissfully happy. And today marks 5 months! It's not an epic milestone, to be sure, but I like it because it's my milestone. New Year's Day was a huge heavy day for me, too. I told him I loved him. It felt right...so I said it...but he can't say it back and embarrassingly enough I got kind of teary. I excused it away as happiness -- and you know what? It's possibly true. Though he made me rethink why I said it and I felt a little gun-shy right afterwards there was still this amaaaazing and overwhelming feeling once it was out there. It felt wonderful to say it, he may not be able to say it back, but I have never told any guy that I've loved them and with him it just feels like it's about right. Re-hashing it in my mind just reconfi...

Social engagements galore. Things with Butch are going amazing, I think, except for that between him and I we have so many family and friends that sometimes are plans get doubled up...and that's where things get rough. I'm not used to bringing someone new into the mix; so when I invite him to someone's birthday or party I guess it comes across pretty vague. This past weekend he got to meet my best friend and her little family. In my eyes he was going to meet her and her husband and the 3 mini-besties, her parents, and that was pretty much it. But I guess the more I talked to him about it the more he felt it was more than he had signed up for. That's fair. And it doesn't help that I only start talking about it closer to the event. As with the birthday party a few weeks ago. It was the day of when he finally told me all frustrated that he didn't even know whose birthday it was and where we were going. I suppose so long as I knew he was free and willing to come th...

Lots to say! And I'm sure because I don't write them down as soon as I think of them I will forget most of them before I post. Refreshing myself on my last post; one of my dates from back then has become one of my most favorite guys ever. I guess we'll call him Butch. He's become such a favorite that I've pulled down my profile (and I think he has, too!) off a certain online dating site and haven't really paid any attention to other dates that have started trying to contact me again. Seriously, right out of the woodwork. Like I always said; it seems to be feast or famine when it comes to dating and now that I've met someone that makes me giddy they all decide to try again. Including Bachelor #1 from the last post. He left a voicemail this past Thursday and tried calling again tonight. I hadn't seen or heard from him since our first date over a month ago . And while I think he's a really sweet guy and I see him totally being a great buddy for doing th...

Sunday was another beautiful day to add to my weekend of fun. The familia and I went to the Calgary Zoo to finally visit the penguins in the new Penguin Plunge. I was excited but I had no idea just how stunning it would be. The penguins are sooooo close! Crazy Kid got splashed a couple of times from penguins leaving/entering the water. It was surreal -- and mercifully cold -- I could have stayed with the penguins all day if they let me. The heat drove us out of the zoo by the afternoon so we checked out Smashburger for lunch. Mighty tasty burger! I had the Calgary burger. Dare I say that it could have used less bacon? Not that it was heaped with bacon but because the bacon was so salty it almost spoiled the whole burger experience. Mushroom poutine, while not original, was divine! Plus, I truly appreciate their ice tea bar. Yes, one of the options is American unsweetened iced tea but I'll take it. The siblings and I even had time to hash out a workout at the gym and a dip at the ...

Both dates went pretty great but for completely different reasons. How is a girl supposed to figure out who to go after? The guy I met at the speed dating event (should I give them names? Will they be around long enough to warrant names?) is uber easy to talk to. Conversation flows non-stop and admittedly he is not bad to look at at all . But something in my gut says we'd be better off as friends...however my gut has been wrong about plenty of guys (Hello, Aidan.) so can I even be certain of my instincts? SANDy asked if I had any spark/did I want to jump him and I had to answer "no" to the jumping bit. At the same time, I don't tend to feel the want to jump guys right away. (Ask Daisy and she will boast that she KNEW I was going to fool around with Aidan before I even knew myself that I was going to fool around with him. She claims she knew all along.) We went for tea and were planning on doing some sheesha later on. Didn't get around to the sheesha but we put it ...

I think things are looking up for me. I finally found some guys that seem normal and who can carry an enjoyable conversation and not just 3-word replies! Woo! The biggest surprise, boys and girls, is that I went out on Thursday and tried speed dating with SANDy. Yes, speed dating. How was it? A supreme gong show. Super supreme. Luckily, we had found an online deal for this speed dating company...and with a theme night called "travel lovers" how could we go wrong, right? Oy. Vey. But I can't be totally down on speed dating. The very first guy I met ended up being my favorite of the night and we matched, so that's cool. I'll keep you posted; I believe we are going to try and see each other again this week. Would I ever try speed dating again? I don't know. Certainly not at full price because the experience us ladies had would have been a rip off at full price. Quite a few of the guys I talked to mentioned that they had received emails inviting them to come to ...

I'll catch up on posting my paper cranes some other time. There have been so many occasions when I wanted to write something down and I held back because I had not made a paper crane to go with the post. And then I realized how dumb that was... (So let go) So let go Jump in Oh well whatcha waiting for It's all right 'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown ~Frou Frou Two years ago I jumped back into whatever this is that I have with Aidan. Two. Years. I thought it was my turn to be with him. But if anyone else was going through whatever this is I would have told them to just get over it and walk away. Two years. And that's not even counting the time before that (thought short-lived) and then the time I waited on the sidelines while he had a girlfriend. He's obviously looking for a new girlfriend now. And somehow it's obviously not me. I signed into one of those multi-chat-program apps on my ipod tonight and I saw so many instances of him. Do you realize ...

So I dropped the ball again. So much has happened, and yet I never get around to writing. This is only, what, my 6th crane?! I have a looong way to go to 1000. Where did I leave off? Oh yeah, don't you worry your pretty little heads. I never went out with that guy (still don't have a moniker for him, not that it matters anymore) again. I told him I didn't want to waste his time or his money. That sounds kind of pimpish but what else would you call paying for someone else's video game play other than a waste of money? And I've turned another year older. Imagine my sadness when, as I was reading all my birthday greetings on a popular social media site I was also stumbling upon those same friends mourning an elementary school classmate on his social media page. Another numbing aspect: his birthday was only 3 days away from my own. His mom has always remembered me throughout the years so it was only right that I went to pay my condolences to her and the rest of his fa...

Augh, I can't do it anymore. Date #2 was exasperating. It's bad enough that I have had to make the decisions for both dates (If I want to always be the one planning the dates then I may as well stick around with Aidan.) but the guy -- I can't even think of a moniker for him -- and I have nothing in common except for the Calgary Flames...so that's stretching things preeeeetty thin. Our points of view on the economy and business (can you even believe these words are coming out of my mouth?!) clash too much. It's a shame, really, 'cuz he's a very nice guy but the more he tried to make conversation or entertain me the more I felt frustrated and irritable. I really hope I did not let it show; that would have been beyond rude. However, other than playing mini-golf with me (which already made him feel uncomfortable, he said) his idea of a date was feeding the arcade games coin and watching me play...not even playing along with me! *sigh* I couldn't even bring...

Blah, my cranes are getting sloppier and sloppier rather than better. At least with this one I was able to complete the whole bird from memory. I have to get some bigger origami paper to make tidier, crisper cranes. These square little notepapers are so not doing the trick. So, yes, I ended up going on the date this past Tuesday. He's a nice guy. If you know me well enough that should really be all I have to say. He's very sweet and I'm sure he'd treat me, or any girl, well. He's a little cuddly-shaped, and I would be a hypocrite if I told anyone that that is an issue with me. But my manager hit it on the head when I was discussing the date amongst my office-mates. There is no ambition in the guy whatsoever. He admires my efforts in dieting, or so he says. But in the same breath he mentions that he could never do it himself because he enjoys food too much. Followed with a vague comment that he wants to get a gym membership "someday." This is coming from...

I have a date lined up to meet someone new. So why do I feel sad somewhat? So things don't go as I have envisioned or wanted; this isn't something new. I don't know why I'm being so difficult when it comes to accepting that Aidan isn't looking for anything more. SANDy is already back at 'em in the dating scene. She told me that other loved ones have suggested she sit back for a while to "find herself" and yadda yadda. I think if she's ready -- and it sounds like she is 'cuz she's got a great outlook on things -- then good for her. Personally, based on other observations I feel if she waits too long she'll just get jaded. She's found a young guy that she truly digs and by all accounts it sounds like he's keen on her, too. How did she do it so quickly? Some girls are just that lucky. It was the strangest thing. I was watching an episode of Big Bang Theory and seeing Penny and Leonard interact made my hands all electrified. I h...

What a wonderful weekend! Such a great beginning to the new year. On Friday I got to enjoy calamari and pizza at Manie's . Anyone who knows me has to know that I absolutely love the pizza (and really, all the food) at Manie's so it was a great way to "binge" before I started my diet back up in earnest. And to make the meal even more enjoyable I got to dine with Civic and Daisy. The original 3 out on 17th again! Complete with my big bowl of Vietnamese coffee at Caffe Beano and it was fabulous beginning to the weekend. Even though I had to work on Saturday (and really I don't have much to complain about since we only work one Saturday a month now between all of us!) the day was not for naught. Weird Kid treated me to my first ever lower bowl experience for a Flames game! We were in row 12 -- a fortunate number, of course -- and I was able to celebrate in-house when my beloved Iggy scored his 500th career goal with the Flames! An amazing night, to be sure. Have ...

My first origami crane in a long while; a bit sloppy but like I said I'm keen on actually completing 1000 paper cranes for once. Let's see if I finish this project. My legs are sore from working out, it's definitely a satisfying soreness and I was expecting this but I hope I recoup faster and faster so I can keep up the momentum. So I read the paper this morning and they talked about a man being charged with sexual assault. He offered a young woman a ride home from a downtown nightclub but instead of taking her home he drove her elsewhere, assaulted her, and then kicked her out of the car. They had just met that night. While I don't have all the details, obviously, there are just so many things I find wrong with this story. Numero uno: where were her friends? I mean, who goes to the clubs alone? My friends and I always went together and (apparently a key detail that everyone ought to heed) we LEFT together. Are people really that slack with loved ones' safety nowad...